Hate my job. Hate it, hate it, don’t like it. People tell me I’m doing good at it, but I never get any good feeling from it like, “I resolved this issue and things will be better in the future,” like I got in my old position. This is just more of the same BS every day. I think something is resolved and then surprise, not resolved, still BS. Afraid I may be Peter Principled.
But I can’t think of anything else I’m quified to do that pays as well.
It’s a rough week.
Minor kidney problems emerged last saturday.
A friend borrowed $60, which I figured I could handle since I have income. He’s paying me back next week so nothing major.
Nephew I haven’t been in touch with suddenly contacts me that he’s in town and needs help. I let him stay with me. He’s a good kid, but struggling with meth addiction and seizure disorder.
30 minutes before I meet him at train station, I get rear ended while stopped at a red light.
Car is my source of income as uber driver. Potential concussion.
I live in a tiny studio. Nephew has extremely hard time not talking continuously.
I’m praying a lot. I choose to hope, because people need me.
My city is a sanctuary city, so there are no resources for my otherwise street-dwelling nephew. Lines for services start filling at 2 am.
Current bank balance is -$350. Need to get that to +$450 by end of weekend.
Difficult to concentrate. Neck giving pangs of pain.
Nephew’s plan was to be on the street. He’s got a bag full of tactical shit. He looks ready to overthrow a central american government the way he’s packed.
He already found work, directing traffic at an event. He’s dedicated to not using as far as I can tell. Has spent time in mental hospitals where he checks himself in when he’s feeling tempted to use.
I’ve known him since he was a little kid. Now we’re both adult, but he still talks like he did back then. Kinda mumbly.
I’m currently resting my head, taking creatine and BCAAs. But I gotta go work tonight, tomorrow, Sunday, Monday.
This was gonna be the first month with rent paid on time, in about five months. I was looking forward to that, to not having to beg mercy from my landlord.
Landlord is good. Understanding. Nephew is fighting his best. Friend who borrowed money is also doing so. I’m two years out of homelessness. Nephew is homeless. Friend who borrowed is about one month out of homelessness.
I’m fucking scared but not panicking. It’s like the world adapts in difficulty. I’m climbing faster and faster but the slope is crumbling under me.
Just parked there at a red light and then bam!. A 19 year old girl. Visibly pregnant. Polite, beautiful, calm, cooperative. It’s like I’m surrounded by good people and the world itself is grinding us to mush against each other. It’s fucked. But I have faith. I will not collapse. I will not contribute to the crumbling of the world.
Kinda rough. I used to have a tight knit friend group but I stopped doing things with them as one guy kept accusing me of being passive aggressive, insulting him, lying about what I “actually” meant when as far as I know I was being genuine. It was making me a nervous wreck and my attempts to avoid conflict made everything worse so I ghosted everyone. Kept hanging out with one guy who I thought I was pretty close to, though.
But now I’m starting to think I was wrong. My friend told me that I always make him feel stupid, and that I look down on him. I apologized, told him I had no idea and that I always meant it when I said I admired him, and asked if there was anything I could do to fix this, but he left me on read days ago.
So honestly I’ve pretty much spent every second I’m not at work or the gym sulking. I blew up my social life for no reason because I actually was the dick. Making art isn’t fun when I have no one to show it to and watching my stupid shows isn’t fun when I have no one to enjoy them with.
Also this is the most minor hurricane-related complaint ever but I can’t get my psych meds refilled so I’m probably about to become even more of an unlikeable POS.
Going ok.
Recently discovered have ibs and it has run in the family. Making adjustments but the flare ups have been a little much.
Could be so much worse though 👍
Quite nice. Just started off my semester break, so currently planning on how to pass the time (I’ll probably waste it ;-;). Also did subject registration for the next semester online, still as chaotic as I remembered.
