I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.
My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can’t safely lift anything that’s heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.
We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say “Sure.”
My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.
My brother isn’t the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can’t be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.
My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.
I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don’t know for sure if they will, since we’re not close emotionally. I also don’t know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn’t have much trouble crossing state lines.
I don’t know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.
Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won’t miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.
The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.
I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.
Any advice would be helpful. I don’t want to wait, but I also can’t do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, so any input is appreciated.
Thank you.
If you’re as disabled as you say and either you have documentation (such as state benefits) or it’s just obvious I would try APS (adult protective services) over the cops. Things will move faster and more effectively if you do some of the legwork (hypothetically speaking) for them ahead of time.
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Get in touch with the family that might take you in. Try to find three options who confirm they will take you. Write down or keep in a Google doc or whatever their: full names, phone numbers, email addresses, and physical addresses. The number one thing I see holding up cases like yours is housing, and if you have all those details worked out ahead of time a caseworker can do a lot more for you a lot faster. A lot of the time our psych social workers can get someone a uber / lyft or bus ticket easily enough, the problem is figuring out where they’re going. If you have the contact info of someone they can call right there and then who has already agreed to take you, you are a slam dunk open and shut case. Get three so you have backups.
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Arrange for a ride locally such as a friend or acquaintance or literally anyone else who has a car and is willing to help you for 24-48 hours. This should not be hard to talk someone into. Many people want to help a person like you but don’t have the resources to house someone for weeks or months. For this acquantaince you are an easy way to help and feel good about themselves. Use that. Tell them to wait for you to contact them. Again, try to get three options set up so you have two failsafes.
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AFTER you’ve done that, call your local APS (adult protective services) or file a report online. Do whatever you can to keep your family from knowing you called because it might take a few hours up to maybe even a day or two for them to get to you and you don’t want your family tipped off in the meantime. Tell them you’re being held by your family and kept from accessing your legal identifying documents like your birth certificate. If you get state benefits your documentation or papers regularly mailed to you may also have a compliance / abuse reporting hotline number somewhere on it. You could also try a crisis hotline through an organization that does community outreach. Tell them they have abused you in the past and you are in fear for your life. Tell them you HAVE A PLACE TO GO you just need help getting your documents. Again, you are easy to help in this situation, they don’t need to worry about setting you up with benefits or housing or anything, just transport maybe. This is what the numbers and addresses are for, they may want to confirm you have somewhere to go and even have options. Just play up the danger and that they’re keeping you from your documents. If you get an asshole worker wait six hours and try again (change of shift) or try calling a different agency or the next town over. You may also be able to find other places to call or worst case scenario call 911.
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The SECOND they show up and if they’re able to get you those documents, get the hell out to that person who’s helping you locally and block your family and do not tell or hint or give them any other indication of where you’re going. Don’t even tell the person giving you a ride if you think it will get back to them. If necessary tell them an entirely different final destination and just get them to get you to the airport / bus terminal and get out.
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while you’re waiting, get all your medications, medical equipment / supplies, any valuables or sentimental items, and 3-5 changes of clothes all in the same area of the house. Make sure to pack sentimental clothing but especially pack accessible clothing that’s easy for you to dress yourself with. Get them into a bag if you think you can do so discreetly, but a box or even just a pile in an out of the way corner is fine. If you have any special skin safe shampoo or other non-medicine but important toiletries stash them too or just make sure they’re all in the same place in the bathroom. Get everything into 1-3 discreet / hidden piles so you just need to throw them in a trash bag and go. If there’s any valuables you think your family will try to dispute ownership of, try to get any receipts or photos of you wearing or using them or texts from someone who bought them for you or whatever else you can find and put them in a Google drive folder or email to yourself. Worst case scenario though, be willing to leave some things behind if you have to.
Good luck and godspeed. :)
This is the best advice, in the best order, which I have seen laid out so far.
To which I will add:
Assuming you do have at least a valid Drivers License… it should be possible for you to attain your own copy of your Social Security card (which is not actually a card, its just paper) and Birth Certificate.
For the former, you can make an account on ssa.gov , and it is not too hard to get a Social Security card mailed to wherever you end up. Just say your old card was stolen.
As far as your Birth Certificate… theoretically it should be possible to attain a copy through some kind of State records office/website, though I’m not familiar with Ohio specifically.
Finally, when you are settled in a new safe place, if you have not already tried, apply for SSI and/or SSDI from Social Security.
Its a mountain of paperwork, takes up to a year or more, but if you can get any form of guaranteed income, that’s better than 0.
As far as your Birth Certificate… theoretically it should be possible to attain a copy through some kind of State records office/website, though I’m not familiar with Ohio specifically.
Vital Statistics
Here’s the info from Ohio:
https://odh.ohio.gov/know-our-programs/vital-statistics/how-to-order-certificates
You know, you’d think conservatives would put family before politics given their stereotypical “stated values”. But I guess that all goes out the window when their conservatism morphs into something closer to fascism.
Not all, but a whole lot of American Conservative ‘family values’ boil down to Dad is always right, no matter what he does, no matter how objectively wrong he is.
Petite authoritarianism, chauvinism, religious fundamentalism.
I grew up in a right wing, fundamentalist Christian household. Many, many American Conservatives have been like this for decades… they just used to do a better job of masking, pretending that they have a principled, respectable ideology.
Actually, none of this advice is actionable for OP because Ohio doesn’t have exceptions for disability for APS. You must be 60 years or older.
“Adult” means any person sixty years of age or older within this state who is disabled by the infirmities of aging or who has a physical or mental impairment which prevents the person from providing for the person’s own care or protection, and who resides in an independent living arrangement.
It looks like certain countries may extend those benefits to 18-60 year olds with disabilities, but only if they have funds, and only specific a handful of counties. It’s absolutely no guarantee because the law does not require the DOJFS to respond if the person is under 60.
Honestly, if they follow your advice, the DOJFS is likely to just call the cops anyway.
You really need to break those paragraphs up. If you want to give people advice to help them out, the very first thing you need to do is care about how you’re presenting that information. OP even said they have issues with cognitive function sometimes, so help them out by not giving them sold blocks of texts.
And I can tell you as someone who is intimately familiar with the workings of the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, the assistance available to OP will depend heavily on how their local country office is run. It could be as easy as you say, it could also be an absolute cluster fuck that takes weeks for no resolution because the county office has been butchered by local conservative leadership.
First, you need to know, you did NOTHING wrong. Your family is the problem, NOT YOU.
Second, when you say you are “financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.” it’s quite likely the other way around. If you’re as disabled as you say, you should be getting disability benefits, paid to YOU, not them. Likely they were collecting before you turned 18, but at 21 those benefits are YOURS, not theirs.
Third, don’t sweat the birth certificate or SSN. Those are just paper and there’s a process to replace them, a process you can’t start if they harm you.
GTFO. Now. While you can. Take your benefits with you, cut them off and let them hang.
Absolutely agree with you, but one thing to note is the existence of what’s called representative payees. OP would have likely had to sign a form for it at 21, unless they were verifiably incapacitated at the time, but a rep payee is, for an intents and purposes, the beneficiary as far as the social security department is concerned.
Which is NOT to say don’t leave. It just means that OP needs to contact social security the instant they are clear of danger or being overheard.
The moment you’re safe, contact the SSD and ask them to verify your status as the primary on your account. If your mother (or someone else) is not the rep payee, then you’re clear. If they are, you need to ask for the paperwork to transfer your benefits back to yourself, which may involve having to go through a judge. That said, keep a record of any communications between yourself and whoever the rep payee is. Ohio is a one party consent state, meaning you are legally allowed to record your phone calls as long as one party is aware and consents, namely yourself. Text based communication is easier, though.
If you are able to contact anyone (guessing you can since you’re posting this) I would suggest contacting progressive organizations in your area. Women’s shelters, even if you’re male, may be able to help you, or direct you to someone who can help. Gay organizations often have some resources in place for teens who have disowned. The DSA, the episcopal church, the metropolitan community Church, the United Church of Christ, any Sikh, Buddhist, and often Hindu community centers are also notorious for being home to progressive members. Sadly, they likely don’t have anything in place for such a rescue mission already, but they may well be a member willing to assist.
Best option is if there’s an anarchist mutual aid org near you, but that’s unlikely.
I wish you all the luck and success in there.
This also ended up longer than I anticipated going in, so posting it as a full comment in and of itself, too.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say “Sure.”
Isn’t that already a case for the police or FBI or something?
My first thought also. I get people not wanting to get the police involved (i.e. some officers may share the sibling and father’s sentiment), but this is definitely a situation where authorities should be contacted. This really feels like we’re going to hear in like two months a local TV reporter say the words: “from a FOI request, we’ve learned that the two suspects were on police radar for months.”
If you’re in acute danger, call the cops. A credible threat has been made. Even if they can’t remove you or your brother, everything being on file might serve at the very least as a deterrent to execute his plan.
Thanks for the quick reply. I have a few concerns here:
- I have no recorded evidence of the threats, so I’m not sure if the cops will take this seriously. I heard that shit loud and clear, but I didn’t get an audio recording.
- I have no idea how corrupt the cops in the local area are; this is a red county, although it’s on the outskirts of a big city. I don’t know if the cops could severely fuck me over in ways I don’t know about.
- I am likely to end up escalating tensions. My brother would probably see it as an attack on him (Harris supporter trying to get his guns confiscated) and make it a priority to get rid of me quicker. He isn’t very smart (hence why he joined the cult) so he might think that Trump will pardon all violence he commits.
I’d love to be wrong, but my current impression of cops is that they are unreliable and involving them could really backfire. But if anyone has a thoughtful rebuttal, I’d appreciate it. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert here.
Please read Apytele’s comment, you are absolutely correct that calling the police will be interpreted as a threat and make your situation even worse.
You have to get out, first.
The police have literally 0 legal obligation to protect any citizen from a crime or potential crime, what they do is investigate after the fact, or sometimes during a reported ongoing incident. (Barring traffic stops, basically)
And that’s assuming they’re not fellow MAGA cultists.
Right but their comment is suggesting APS which will not help them. They are 21, Ohio’s APS program is only for people over 60.
Someone else said it, contact Adult Protective Services. APS is meant for people like you.
Rural Ohio native here. OP if you don’t mind sharing what county you live in, I might be able to give you better info. If you don’t want to share that (and that’s perfectly understandable), what part of the state? Northeast, Southwest, Cleveland area, Columbus area, etc?
Outskirts of Columbus, within reasonably short driving distance of the city
It’s the truth, though. Without any evidence there’s a decent chance no arrest will be made, especially if the cops are Trumpers themselves. And even if they are arrested, there’s no doubt mom will post bond so they’ll be out before very long.
If that happens, OP will very likely be grievously injured or killed.
OP needs to GTFO first and foremost.
Here is my advice. When someone tells you who they are believe them. Get out. DO NOT contact police or any kind of law enforcement until you are gone and safe. People like this will escalate if they feel threatened.
You can get new documents, clothes and items. Even if you only escape with the clothes on your back, wallet and phone. Make sure your family cannot track your phone. Make sure any communication you have with your helpers is locked down. Use an app your family doesn’t use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord. Have your helpers or uber pick you up a few houses down in the middle of the night if you have to.
You would be surpised who still cares for you. Reach out to family, to old friends, to anyone you think could help, either by giving you a ride or taking you in for awhile. I haven’t talked to my best friend from collage for over a decade, but if she called me needing help I would drop everything and head her way.
Also, I live east coast and hell, maybe I could give you a ride to somewhere depending on where you are going.
Lastly, please take this seriously. You are not overreacting. Your life may very well be in danger, and just like with any other abusive relationship, leaving is the most dangerous part. Nothing you own outside of your ID and medications are worth dying for.
Use an app your family doesn’t use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord.
Nah, use Signal, they definitely won’t use it, cause it’s “woke leftist crap”
Signal posted this on Twitter a few years ago:
And this is what the Trump cultists had to say about it:
So you can definitely be sure that they don’t use it
It’s also much more private and secure than Snapchat or Discord. I would avoid Discord, since it’s not encrypted and your chats are saved to your account. If someone gets your password, they can read all your chats. Signal only saves them on your device, so you’re safe.
@sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world
