Well, there’s one very basic combination which actually results in the propagation of the human race, and a bunch of people obsessed with getting their rocks off who try to differentiate themselves from that.
Yeah, true, but why should literally anyone give two shits about propagating the race? You ain’t gonna be there for that.
Well you’re certainly going to be there when things fall apart if there’s no generation to take the reigns once you get older.
Lol it is bizarre, people do suggest having a “type”
I’m fundamentally attracted to women and turned off by men. It’s the simplest way to describe my sexual orientation. The fact that I’m not attracted to all women doesn’t change that.
That doesn’t resolve the question though. What does it mean to be “fundamentally attracted to women” if you’re not actually attracted to most women?
Been sexually active, with many partners, for almost 40-years and this lines up with my experiences. The vast majority of us are solidly heterosexual, a small percentage homosexual and a tiny percentage bisexual or anything else.
Lemmy’s general take is that we’re all on a mushy spectrum. Well, yeah, the spectrum certainly exists, but almost all of us fall hard to one side or the other.
My theory is this, it’s because of the younger demographics around here and society’s new openness. I’m exactly as you, but when I was younger, and had sexuality been as openly discussed as now, there were years when I might have identified as having a touch of homosexuality or even trans in me.
Grew up playing with the girls because I wasn’t much into “boy” stuff. Never been worried that I’d be judged for wearing feminine clothes, and to this day I wear women’s outwear because it’s cut for my skinny ass. Had a few homosexual fantasies in my teens, but I would never have been turned on, even a little, in a real life situation. LOL, said many times, “I should have been born a woman.” But I now understand, having feminine traits and likes in no way speaks to my sexuality.
Add to all that the fact that teens are casting about trying to learn about themselves. Identifying as a member of the LGBT group says, “I’m different! I’m not like you haters!” I would have done it, even though in retrospect it wasn’t remotely true. Support them, please, but odds are strongly against being an actual member.
Another interesting experience, and I have no idea what this says about me: My gaydar is, and always has been, broken. Y’all would laugh at how clueless I can be. Guess I simply never cared about other’s sexuality?
Ironically, I expect this post to get blasted with misunderstandings from the very people screaming that we need to better understand one another.
Ironically, I expect this post to get blasted with misunderstandings from the very people screaming that we need to better understand one another.
Refreshingly, that doesn’t seem to have happened yet.
Well, yeah, the spectrum certainly exists, but almost all of us fall hard to one side or the other.
I’ve heard it described as a bimodal distribution. Bisexuality seems pretty common though. Statistics say it’s more common for women to identify as bisexual than lesbian. The majority of women I’ve dated have been bisexual, but with a preference for men. Most non-straight men I’ve known have been fully homosexual. Personally, I’m straight. I’ve always had a hard time trying to figure out what a conventionally attractive man was (mostly to make myself more attractive), and still sometimes get surprised when someone describes a particular man as attractive. I find most women physically attractive, at least in certain ways (though I have certain preferences, of course). Personality seems to be what makes or breaks the attraction for me.
What?
Because most people have basic limitations for who they’re willing to accept/connect/make sex with. Most people tend to be heterosexual, so they’re only going to go with male/female pairings and that’s the only gender pairing they’re going to look at. Other people are going to be more open-minded, or were born with different preferences, and going outside traditional societal norms is fine for them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either viewpoint, it’s ok to have personal preferences and to have limitations about who you’re comfortable getting intimate with. We frame attraction based on our personal preferences.
So, no, I’m personally not attracted to literally every single female on the planet, but women are my personal preference/limitation, I’m only attracted to females. As a hetero male, there’s just no other way to frame my attraction, that’s just what it is. HOWEVER, there’s a vast array of other orientations out there where that sort of binary attraction doesn’t make sense and is probably counter-productive. I think that’s why we see so many different expressions of sexuality now, because people see the limitations that come from the mainstream male/female model and it can’t be used to properly explain their preferences.
Subscribed to a dating coach 20-years ago that was shockingly astute. Never paid for his materials, but the free emails basically said all there was to say. He really understood human nature as it relates to dating. He didn’t talk about getting laid or how to manage a relationship, only how to get more dates, the rest being on the reader. (The asshole pickup artists took work like his, disregarded anything human about it and ran full tilt into misogyny. Can’t even talk about it any more without people making assumptions.)
One thing he constantly hammered home was, “Attraction is not a choice.” We have zero control over what floats our boat. He never talked manipulation games, only about how to better yourself and be more attractive. One example, women don’t like meek men, so stand tall, throw your shoulders back and walk with confidence. (That’s not to say one requires machismo!)
Another example, women are turned off by slovenly men. It’s not like they’re making some sort of calculation, they’re simply turned off. The feeling is instant and unanalyzed. Men are exactly the same! Large breasts are a solid turnoff for me, but I never sat down and decided that.
I cannot imagine being a man sexually attracted to another man, but once I truly internalized that attraction is not a choice, the world made a lot more sense. LOL, and I got more dates!
Attraction might not be a choice but making an effort to be attractive or not certainly is. I am talking about the basics that anyone can achieve like hygiene, tone of the conversation,…
Absolutely! Very rare I think of someone, “Wow. There’s not a thing they could do to be more attractive.” LOL, it’s a tough stat to max out!
Makes me sad to see so many comments about people thinking they’re ugly and there’s nothing to be done. One of my best friend’s through school was the fattest around, by a huge margin, really freaky in the 80s. Saw a pic of him after he grew up and came out gay. My man was hot!
