Others have given great practical advice, so I’ll give you something to think about.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics. They highlight the joint pieces with gold powder which makes the object even more beautiful and unique than it was originally in its unbroken state, embodying the philosophy of wabi-sabi, embracing the beauty in the imperfect.

Please take inspiration from kintsugi and find the beauty in your journey of repairing yourself.

Is it just me, or did you ask this exact same question before?

Start studying, it is never too late to UNLEARN or LEARN. Step one is realizing YOU are now in control to improve things.

You’re not broken, your different. So you don’t have many of the same experiences we take for granted. If you look at it in the right light it might be a blessing. You have the opportunity to have brand new experiences in a time when you can understand them better without the cloud of childhood. I think there are hundreds of things I would almost kill for, to experience for the first time again.

Before you might not have had a choice. Now you do! Choose to do the things you love. If you don’t know what that is, keep looking till you find it. Find the things that awaken your passion and follow that road where it leads. Branches in the road and the choices you’ll make will open more of the world to with each passing day.

We are all fucked! We all have baggage we needlessly carry. We all try to hide that from each other. Your baggage is just different than mine.

What ever you do in this world remember to be kind to yourself, the world can be rough and you at least need yourself on your team.

Big hug young one!

It helps knowing you’re not the only one, IMO. Look up people who have left high-control communities (would have been called cults in decades past). People can come out of some pretty horrific backgrounds and with hard work, intention, and support, live good lives.