During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.”
-Gen 30:14
Umm… what the hell do I do? What’s a mandrake?!
Random Verse Generator, who’s next?
ETA: I googled
The alkaloids make the plant, in particular the root and leaves, poisonous, via anticholinergic, hallucinogenic, and hypnotic effects.
Yeah, I’m goin’ to jail.
I got Acts 13:10
“You are a child of the devil and an enemy of everything that is right! You are full of all kinds of deceit and trickery. Will you never stop perverting the right ways of the Lord?”
Wtf am I supposed to do with that information
Leviticus 19:21
Passage: The man, however, must bring a ram to the entrance to the tent of meeting for a guilt offering to the LORD.
Sounds like you will have to apologize for problems at work that you cause with livestock.
First one that’s am actual command:
Psalms 136:3 Passage: Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever.
Isaiah 5:22 Passage: Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine and champions at mixing drinks.
It’s genocidin’ time!
Joshua 9:24 They answered Joshua, “Your servants were clearly told how the LORD your God had commanded his servant Moses to give you the whole land and to wipe out all its inhabitants from before you. So we feared for our lives because of you, and that is why we did this.”
The Bible is not just a long list of rules. Any random page probably has less than a 5% chance of containing any particular thing to “follow”. The chance of landing on a page with an illegal commandment is next to none.
Yeah, quite a bit of the Bible would get you landed in jail so let’s not act like the idea of Bible charades roulette isn’t funny as fuck. If nothing else it’s a fresh new way to highlight the hypocrisy of scripture in modern society.
What does this mean though? How does just reading some random story get you put in jail? It’s like you read their comment and them completely ignored everything it said.
The Bible rarely tells you specifically what to do. Most of it is more of a history of the Jewish people, writing down things that happened inside of a religious context.
After all, the book of Numbers is almost entirely just a genealogical list ( namat begat numat, etc ) so unless you guys want me to give birth to 15 generations of human beings it’s practically impossible to follow as an instruction.
I mean yeah sure, if you blindly copy things that people were reputed to have historically done in a modern context then you are likely to get into some kind of trouble for that.
Maybe only a few odd stares from your neighbors as you put lambs blood on your door or burn only extra virgin olive oil at the stone altar made of stones that were never worked by human tools in your back yard.
And there’s nothing illegal about lusting over big old penises or preaching in Galilee, but many people would find it at best difficult to tell dead people to rise and walk or to fast for 40 days and nights in the desert.
It may not be explicitly stated as a rule to follow, but on almost every page there are certainly actions that could be emulated. The OP didn’t specify rules or commandments; they said “open to a page and do what is written on that page”.
Slaughter an entire city of men, women, children and livestock? Yeah, that’s on the list, and was in fact an order given by sky daddy himself.
Fuck your daughters? That’s in there too.
Sacrifice your child to prove your loyalty? Bingo. Another sky daddy special.
"Then Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, “Go at once and select the animals for your families and slaughter the Passover lamb.”
Ew, I’m vegan and I don’t have a license nor the money for a lamb, so breaking in, stealing and slaughtering a lamb and doing rituals with its carcass publicly apparently?
Good news! That’s not a commandment, it’s just part of a story, so there isn’t actually anything to follow.
If we’re playing a reenactment game instead of a follow-what-the-Bible-tells-you-to-do game, then in context the alternative is that your first born son dies and all you have to do to prevent it is put a little blood on your door for one night. Seems like a trade anyone would readily take. Also, it’s not illegal and it’s not a ritual. It’s just regular old slaughter of an animal like we do thousands/millions of times a day in society.
Thanks for the context! But why does an omnipotent and omniscient deity need me to slaughter an animal and smear it’s blood on my door to keep him from killing an innocent child? Since he’s omniscient and all, couldn’t he just, ya know, pass over my house anyway since he already knows my child isn’t one of the thousands of innocent children he intended to slaughter on this particular night?
Like, anything it says or just commandments? Because the Bible is filled with stories of bad people doing things the Bible considers bad.
“Amen I say to you, the virtuous eschew stylized meme typeface. The wicked useth Papyrus when modern serif fonts suffice.”
“And lo, the Lord looked upon the world and saw Avatar, and was wroth with James Cameron, not only for the usage of Papyrus, but also for cheating on Linda Hamilton during the filming of Titanic, and lo, the Lord did manifest a malaise of the mind upon James Cameron, and did make him introduce dumb plot holes like a door not being big enough for two people, and that an element called “unobtainium” was reasonable, but alas, the people did not care, and James Cameron became a billionaire, because people are dumb, just as the Lord intended.”