I did judo as a kid (up to about age 14) at competition level - I’d like to go back to it some day. I also played rugby in that time til I was about 19. All in all I’m not an absolute weapon but I am a total pain in the ass to take to the floor by an average person. I will never forget the innate balance and understanding of the balance of others from my time doing judo. When I grapple for fun with people, I seriously feel like time slows down, and I can spot when someones foot is out of place like some kind of quick time event.

Went to an mma gym about 10 hours a week for 8 years, then spent a few years as a private trainer before eventually just freely training anyone willing to listen so I could have sparring partners (am lonely). I’m not much of a grappler, and realistically only know enough to out-grapple a beginner bjj practitioner. I sunk my sweaty painful hours into muay thai, had a few fights, and without exaggeration can make a surgical theater show of your average goon. Training in it was easily the best thing that ever happened to me. The confidence is the obvious benefit, but the peace and capacity for deeper self-understanding and critique that comes from developing your theory and praxis of fighting serves me in all other ways, especially socially. Now that I think about it, I wonder if I could have overcome the reflexive liberal mental defensiveness to become a Marxist-leninist if I hadn’t first spent years being honest with myself about why I got my ass kicked this or that time.

That’s the key, by the way. Obviously there’s no one secret to success in this stuff but if I had to give mine it would be: you have to get your ass kicked a lot. You have to get your ass kicked so many times that getting your ass kicked ceases to hold any fear or meaning, and then once you’re over that, you’re free to learn how to calmly engage with a fight for the dialectical puzzle box it is. It’s a lot of grinding but with very noticeable milestones, and my one of m biggest “I feel like I just leveled up” moments was when I just…stopped being afraid of being punched in the face after being punched in the face so many times. Another was when I got so locked in to the movements and reactions of my opponent during sparring, that I had so conditioned him with a curated regimen of real and feinted attacks, that I was actually full-on puppeting him. There’s no more humble way for me to put it, the way I moved my hands and the micro-reactions it elicited, the shifting of weight where I wanted to to go, felt exactly like operating a marionette. It felt unbelievable, I felt like a spider. I know it might sound unbelievable too, but shit gets psychologically intense in those moments, and for the first time I truly understood what the books and trainers were saying about tempo: the idea that all other things being equal, the one who controls the pace of the fight will win.

I could go on and on in a kind of unstructured ramble, it’s a huge topic and it’s been a huge part of my life, but for that reason it’s all sprawling in my mind. Anyone feel free to ask my anything about kickboxing, from the general down to the very granular and technical, and I’ll do my best to answer.

This is my shit

I did this stuff actively for a long time and enjoyed the focus parts and skill parts of it. Am fairly competitive so did a few competitions as well and enjoyed it. It was also good for my physical self-esteem, but that I feel could have come from any sport I like. The actual physical stuff can be pretty fun and challenging. I think it’s a bit of a neurospicy catnip that kept me humming pretty well in everyday life.

But, the people doing these sports were often not the best people, at least not where I am from. Cops, violent men, misogony and just all that. I participated in these sports as a woman and it always took me twice as much effort to get the belts or whatever “the boys” got very easily. I was also ostriciced a lot due to my gender.

There was lots of stanning for Japan and a lot of the sort of weird male hierarchy that felt very uncomfortable. Eventually I quit and just instructed fitness boxing for others, just as a sport for all kinds of people, genders and bodies.

I sometimes miss the actual sports, but not the clubs and people. I still practice at home and do some online martial arts combat classes sometimes, but just for covid alone I would not go back to doing this face to face anymore.

I took boxing for three years, it’s loads of fun. Stick out the first two weeks and you’ll be addicted, and have a lifelong confidence boost.

I’ve had a lot of experience. I used to like to scrap a little consensually though. I’d end up with a fat lip and a lot of laughs. Any striking art will be good. The better ones are boxing, muay Thai, and wing chun. As far as grappling, you’re going to be suggested bjj. That’s a mistake. Bjj is really good at fighting one guy on the ground. You mentioned that you want it for self defense. If you’re fighting someone on the ground what are the chances chuds friend is jumping in? What you really want is something that will give you good defense against takedowns. Wrestling and judo are good choices. If I had to focus on one, I’d go muay Thai. If I wanted to go for fun, judo or boxing. Finding a few friends that want to throw each other around in a park, is a blast. Likewise, beating each other up in a gym is tons of fun too. If you find a really good school, you’ll realize how much a street fight is about luck, but you’ll be in better shape, and at some point you’ll start to feel like a shark. It’s a cool feeling. Good luck