- “Grandpa, did you fight in WW3?”
- “No, they wouldn’t let me enlist because I masturbated way too much. Like an immediately disqualifying amount.”
Grandpa, do you mind? It’s hard to talk to you when you do that in front of me.
You kids today are soft, back in my day there was this big war & I could only use one hand because I needed the other to fight people that wanted to evacuate me.
Or that one time I had to hide in the attic & do it very quietly.
Or that time I had to do it with a super bright light in my face because there was something called “an interrogation” at the camp.
Private Cowboy: Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.
Private Joker: What was the matter with him?
Private Cowboy: He was jerkin’ off ten times a day.
Private Eightball: No sh*t. At least ten times a day.
Private Cowboy: Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy f***er starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division
How exactly does masturbating prevent you from military service?
This is just a poor translation. It’s a colloquialism to say you’re jacking off when you’re lazy and doing nothing. In fact, it’s the same colloquialism in English. We literally say the exactly same thing when we call someone useless. What’s really interesting in my opinion is you already know this. Yet because it’s from a translation and you know that, your brain didn’t think about the colloquialisms. It’s kind of crazy how our brains work.
I’m aware of the colloquialism but I also thought that this is something Chinese party officials might plausibly say. You know, something something Western decadence.
Post-nut clarity makes you realize what a bad idea joining the military would be.
When they won’t get their dicks out of their hands in formation, it’s very distracting for others.
WW3 is gonna be a 5v5 on de_dust2
Heeeeey. There might be a role for me after all.
I want it in Source at 800x600 on my end. CRT please.
Plot twist, I binge ate to become fat to avoid conscription.
Weird thing is, South Korean military recruitors are looking for me for some reason, maybe I’m still not fat enough?
I’m a disabled veteran and still get calls from recruiters. They are basically salesmen doing cold calls
Yeah I spent a decent chunk of my 20s attempting to explain to them that I’m deaf
I feel bad for recruiters. Someone has to do it but they get shit from everyone.
Robinson Crusoe is considered the first English language novel.
Its title when it was first published was:
The Life and Strange Surprizing Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, of York, Mariner: Who lived Eight and Twenty Years, all alone in an un-inhabited Island on the Coast of America, near the Mouth of the Great River of Oroonoque; Having been cast on Shore by Shipwreck, wherein all the Men perished but himself. With An Account how he was at last as strangely deliver’d by Pyrates. Written by Himself.
So, you see, we are simply returning to traditional forms.
You just have to get fat enough that they can see how fat you are, on the news.
not gonna lie it would be awesome if wars were actually conducted by gaming
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/74098/74098-h/74098-h.htm
War No. 81-Q by Cordwainer Smith. Written in 1928.
Thanks. I thought I’d read everything Cordwainer Smith had written, but had never seen that before.
I think the name of the paperback was ‘The Best Of Cordwainer Smith.’ I read it years ago.
Fun bit of trivia. Harlan Ellison used the pen name ‘Cordwainer Bird’ on projects he’d written but had been badly produced. ‘Bird’ appeared as a character in at least one short story.
