Where I started
Where I ended up
Image descriptions
1st image: - A heavy set person who appears to be a man, in baggy jeans and a t-shirt, leaning against a wooden handrail, holding a laser skirmish gun
2nd image: A curly haired woman in makeup, wearing a teal coloured dress
I feel like I need to do more than just post a picture. In this case, the picture really does tell the story in a lot of ways, but still, there was a lot of pain and trauma that led me to this point.
I started off depressed and angry, lost in life, knowing what I needed to do, but feeling like it wasn’t something I could do. And when I finally accepted that I could do it, years went in to it. A quick photo makes it look like a magical transformation, but there was close to 10 years between those photos, and a lot of self discovery, self exploration and pain. As well as joy, and surprises.
Hey, I just want to say thanks for posting this. I’m just a random internet stranger, but I’m happy for you. I think Fred Rogers sums it up best, he is the epitome of kindness to me.
It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear,
It’s not the way you do your hair
But it’s you I like
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys
They’re just beside you.
But it’s you I like
Every part of you.
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself
It’s you.
It’s you I like.
I was born into an impoverished extremist right wing family. I enlisted in the military back when DADT was a thing. I was disowned as an LGBT teenager, and medboarded out of the military after being committed to inpatient facilities multiple times. After that, i was homeless for a couple years, living out of a car and then a backpack.
I finally ended up in this little town in Georgia, got a job at a little retail store, and moved into a trailer with one of my coworkers. Her friends kind of adopted me and i felt accepted for the first time in my life. We were all broke kids, but i told them i was going to be a millionaire by age 30. I was still pretty emotionally unstable and eventually moved on from that friend group, but it gave me the hope i needed to rebuild my life.
I slowly built a career for myself after that, working 70-80 hours a week for a couple years, until i had my foot in the door. It got a lot easier after that. I didn’t quite hit my goal by age 30, but I’m close. I founded my first company at age 28, and raised a 10 million series A. My company is now worth 60 million on paper, but of course that’s meaningless until we IPO. But it’s profitable, and in the meantime, I’ve adopted a little family of people like me, and built a comfortable life for us. Life is good, and I’m content.
Now that you’re pretty wealthy has your family decided to become your best buddy now?
No, they refuse to speak to me to this day. My gf’s family called her to wish her a happy birthday last week, and i cried quietly wishing mine did that too.
Happy belated birthday girltwink! 🎊 🎉
The older I get and the more people I meet and lives I understand, the more I understand that true family are the ones you choose. You can’t help who you are born to. It’s nice to get their love and approval, but in the end, if they don’t accept your choices or even you, that’s not on you. That’s on them. If you’ve done your best to be a good person, then they should have no reason to turn you out but for their own selfish reasons. It may never stop hurting, but over time, I hope you can find that comfort from your chosen family that chose you back. I won’t soapbox too much about it though. I hope you had a great birthday. :) Big hugs from an internet stranger!
As a side note, talking to a therapist can really help you accept things if you ever want to give it a try.
I started off in the late 1980’s in a mid-sized midwestern city… I was smoking cigarettes, a lot of pot, drinking and carousing with the same friends that I’d had since high school, but I was in my second year of college. I was getting decent grades, but I was really distracted and having some drama with bad girlfriends.
Two weeks after my 21st birthday, I left for Southern California - I had a parent out there, and I ended up staying for 16 years. I stopped smoking basically the minute I got there, spent a lot of time driving around a new city and thinking… and basically came to the realization that since nobody there knew who I had been before, I could approach social situations without the baggage of all those previous decisions that I’d made with my old circle of friends. I was less of a “pleaser”, less of a doormat, and less afraid to speak my mind - and my new friends responded positively to it, so I was encouraged to cultivate that. It helped me be more decisive and independent, and gave me a foundation for everything that followed.
I finished an associate’s degree, got a black belt in a martial art and taught for about six years, and met the woman who is now my wife. We got married, traveled to other countries together in Europe and Central America, quit our jobs to live on a horse ranch, and eventually moved BACK to that same midwestern city to start a family.
I wish I could say that since we moved back, I’ve never felt like the person I was before - but I have to confess that I feel like being back here HAS eroded some of that confidence, like I couldn’t hack it out West and ended up back here after all.
I know it’s not true, but San Diego is where I became the person I wanted to be. Back here is where I had been the person before that. They say “you can’t go home again” - I submit that you CAN, but that maybe you shouldn’t.
I found I had some backsliding when I went back to my original hometown too.
I expect it’s the same mechanism where even if you know you’re adult and might even have grown beyond where your parents were, you still feel like a little kid around them sometimes? Even if they don’t DESERVE to have that sort of power over you these days?
I wouldn’t consider it proof of anything bad beyond our little monkey brains sometimes doing the things monkey brains do, like hold onto bad stuff and bad memories.
Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.
- Terry Pratchett
Turned 41 this year. I was a moderately successful website developer and high school computer science teacher. Next month I’m joining the navy. Should be fun.
Various reasons. Mainly the benefits. Tricare health insurance for the family. Post-9/11 GI Bill for the kid. Having a security clearance will also open up some IT job opportunities for me.
How are you getting in at 41? I thought the age cap for any service was early 30s.
Wouldn’t you be away from your family? I’m of a similar age and curious about what exactly you’ll be doing.
Yes, but I’m hoping to limit the time away from my family to 30 weeks.
I’m joining the Navy Reserves, which is a bit more flexible than joining the Navy. My wife and I currently work on a Navy base as civilians, so I hope to do most of my drills and duties there, and still be home for dinner every night. We know of a couple people in similar situations that do this already.
Boot camp is 10 weeks long. Tech school, which needs to be done immediately after boot camp, is something like 15 - 20 weeks, depending on your job. With any luck, this 30-week period is the longest that I will be away from my family. It will suck, but everyone has been very supportive.
Once I get back, the goal is to find a full-time duty close to home so that I can start maxing out the GI Bill. I’m told I need 3 years equivalent of active duty to Max it out. After that, I may drop back down to one weekend a month, two weeks a year.
I didn’t reinvent myself so much as I started being honest about my identity.
When I was younger, I was very talkative and social, and I was punished for it in elementary school because it was disruptive. This is probably because I was surrounded by family and felt comfortable talking to anyone about anything. Over time, I started to become reclusive and have a severe fear of authority. Eventually, my friend group started shrinking in high school until I had what felt like nothing. I stopped attending school and slept for six months during my senior year. Eventually, I started returning from my shell and interacting with people online.
Since I was still in my depressive state, I thought it was all too good to be true, and I faked my death online because I thought no one would care and it would be an easy transition into something else. I was very, very wrong. People I had met online started creating memorials and trying to contact people I knew IRL to give them condolences. It was the first time that I realized people liked the person I was unfiltered.
After that, I got my GED and moved to a new town where no one knew me to go to college. While there, I decided to be the person I was and not the person I had been trying to be because I thought that was what people wanted. Even then, I was introverted until COVID happened, and I fell back into depression due to a lack of human connections.
I’m glad to have learned this all now, but I wish I had known it 20 years ago.
