Main ones I can think of:
- Be attractive. If unattractive, at least be disabled in some way.
- Dress as skimpily as possible. Show legs at all time if female.
- Forget dancing, just throw your partner around. Get your face to her crotch at any opportune moment.
- Make really inappropriate comments to each other during the talking phase. Really sell the idea you’re having an affair on live camera.
- Choose the shittiest pop songs you can find. Make sure it’s not the original, but some shitty mock-soul cover.
- If a presenter, give off the impression of fighting a sickly illness. Anorexia is desired if possible.
Any other rules I’m missing?
Well you’re missing the other 4 from your title for a start…
How are you going to cha-cha if you can’t even count?
When the expert judge speaks, the one who is actually going to give constructive criticism to help you get better at dancing, everyone needs to yell “BOO FUCK OFF” at him like he’s a pantomime Gargamel. Only non-critical criticisms are allowed.
Not entirely: they provide the lowest common denominator with cheap entertainment. But, you know, the same can be said for the whole show.
You ok, mate?
You do know you can go into another room and read a book if your mum wants to watch her dancing show?
I value my time with my mum, and don’t get to spend much time with her, so I suck it up. But barely. Just barely.
Bruce Forsyth was, like he was with many things, ultimately better than most at 6.
