It’s a sunny day, we’re outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn’t want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it’s weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?
Sitting in comfortable silence is completely normal. Some people need to practice not filling every moment with conversation.
It’s called comfortable silence and is totally normal. Sometimes it’s nice to just sit together and prepare for the day.
Given they said “it’s too early for philosophical discussions” seems like you were doing some big talk while they just wanted to wake up a bit.
Constant talking all the time would drive me mad personally.
It’s normal to want quiet time, especially if you’re spending a lot of time together. Constantly interacting can get exhausting, even if you love the person you’re interacting with.
Consider why you feel the compulsion to fill silence with words. Lots of people (especially these days, with the constant over-stimulation from media and devices) aren’t good at just… Being a person. Just existing without any particular purpose or reason. Simply being is uncomfortable for these people, so they feel the need to force interaction on whoever is around them as a distraction.
It’s no different than reaching for your phone the instant you start to feel bored. Even if you’re bored with your phone already, (already checked all your notifications, already tired of doomscrolling, etc,) it’s just peoples’ first reaction to being bored. Give me an easy distraction so I don’t need to think about how bored I am.
She was on her phone. I was just sitting there, I’m the one who tries to occasionally avoid my phone.
Sometimes people just need to sit there and doomscroll for a few minutes.
My wife and I semi frequently will sit on our two couches in our living room, each dicking around on our phones, not talking to one another. It’s completely fine and natural. We just need to unwind, talking about whatever isn’t going to do that.
If I’m being honest, I’ve always thought the hallmark of a good relationship is one where both sides are comfortable being together without saying a word. Filling space with sound is easy. Talking is easy. Find someone who you can simply exist with, to be in a space without filling the silence with sound and yet feel completely comfortable…then you’ll really have found someone.
Don’t fight over things like this. Seek to understand. Respect her. Ask yourself how you would want her to react if you told her you needed some time in silence.
This is something you should discuss with her in a calm way, after this moment has passed. What if you had done as she asked? Maybe you would have a better conversation if you took that time to think about what she wanted and why. Not from your perspective, from hers.
This isn’t a man/woman or relationship issue. This is the kind of thing you’ll encounter over and over. They are asking you to put their need for silence over your need for interaction. If, over the course of several instances if this, you decide you can’t spend your time with a person who doesn’t love chatting as much as you, that is a legit reason to go your separate ways and no hard feelings. But, really, you’re going to deal with countless things like this in all your relationships (not just romantic). You have to balance the incompatible aspects with the compatible. Nobody is perfect and you can learn things about yourself from the incompatibilities. No reason to argue and fight. Just say what you are feeling and try to stay calm and open to hearing their side.
It’s perfectly normal to want to sit in silence with someone sometimes, especially if you’re spending lots of time together. It’s only weird if it’s happening very often.