I asked a man with boxing training to hit me in the face so I could try to be prepared in a fight. When I woke up he said he didn’t think I was going to not block or anything.

Putting on a sock, lost my grip and punched myself in the particulars.

So this is half on me, and half on my father. (I inherited my “stupid idea” gene.

When I was 16 my dad was building a greenhouse on our small acreage. Frame was up, everything was ready and it became time to lay down the heavy clear plastic sheeting that would form the surface.

As he was up in the top nailing down each corner, it was my job to hold each corner down as tight as I could from the ground by using a rope attached to the corner of the sheet. (I don’t know if i’m describing this properly).

Any way, my father’s fault in the story is this: The only “rope” we could find was baler twine. It’s thin, coarse, and can easily slice like a saw. We secured a long piece of it to the corner of the sheeting and my job was to basically “tug of war” the corner in order to keep it taut for my father to secure.

Anyone raised in the country already sees exactly where I’m going with this…

MY stupid part in this story is this…

In an attempt to get a better purchase on the baler twine, I wrapped it a few times around my hand, through my fingers, etc…

Did I mention it was a bit windy that day? So a guest of wind took the corner and ripped it out of my hands, with the twine literally zipping through my fingers, slicing them nearly to the bone because friction + baler twine = weirdly effective saw.

Four fingers on my right hand were left with ring scars from where the twine zipped through them and my right hand was out of action for about a week

September of 2006 I was cleaning the house and had just finished mopping the upstairs bathroom and was taking the mop and broom back downstairs when my wet shoe slipped on the hardwood stairs (No carpet or treed). I fell down 8 steps landing on the landing. At first I thought I was fine, but when I stood up I instantly fell down. It was at this moment I noticed on the wall was a streak of blood about 3 feet long. Touching my temple revealed a good bit of chiseled spam. So it’s possible during the initial fall, I slammed my head into the wall and knocked myself out for a moment. Though I’ve never been able to figure out if that is in fact the way it happened. I have no memory of hitting my head though.

That wasn’t the part that really hurt me though. I realized I had no control over my right leg. It didn’t “hurt” really, but it was just hanging at an odd angle. Not know exactly how hurt I was, and not sure what else to do, I called 911 and an ambulance ride later had me in the ER. 6 hours of tests and waiting and it was revealed I had shredded my patellar Tendon.

The next morning I had a surgery that was supposed to last 3 hours, it ended up lasting 7 because the surgeon accidentally cut into an artery in my leg and I lost a great deal of blood before they could get the bleeding to stop. I ended up having to have 3 pints of blood to stabilize me before they could continue sewing my tendon back up. The way it was described to me was like trying to sew together to wet mop heads. I spent the next year of my life on my back before PT to learn to walk again. I gained 200 lbs in the year and it took me nearly 15 years to get the weight back off, I’m still struggling to get the rest of it gone.

To this day I have trouble walking, major back issues, and tons of nerve damage on my right side that I’ll have till the day I die.

Jumped off a moving train and immediately ate shit, dislocated my shoulder… The train did not seem like it was going very fast. We were still at the platform, just getting going.

There’s a gif out there of a guy doing the same thing, that someone edited so he explodes when he hits the ground… Just like that but no explosion… Except the explosion of pain of course