96 points
*

This seems like a XKCD / Randall Munroe “What if” kind of question. I.e., how long would a person survive if all of the water inside them was turned into wine?

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98 points

A quick search suggests that blood is 80% water. Turning that into wine at a weak concentration of 5.5% results in around at 14.5% BAC which is over 10 times greater than the highest ever recorded, so it would be certainly lethal.

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41 points

Wine is 80-90% water, but all that alcohol and other flavor compounds directly in your bloodstream would not be good.

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22 points

Yeah, but how long before I croak?!?!? I need to know now!

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23 points

Pretty much immediately. You wouldn’t even know it.

Acidic pH like wine denatures proteins. It would destroy you on the cellular level, basic cell functions would cease to work. You could say it would stop your breathing or cause an instant heart attack, but it would be more like as if it fried your brain and heart like an egg in an instant.

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8 points

I have a different question. How much wine extract can i add to the water in my body to be able to correctly state i exist out of 80% wine and still live.

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-9 points

You somehow didn’t answer the question, and the thing you said instead is completely obvious to anyone.

If there’s a cousin of Jesus that turns people’s brains into porridge, you’ve certainly been on the receiving end of that power.

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14 points
*

Wine is 15% alcohol.

Human are 60% water.

Human weight around 70kg

70 x 0.6 = 42 L

42 x 0.15 = 6.3 L of pure alcohol.

You’d probably die before ingesting that amount tho

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5 points

Probably 0.00 seconds.

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2 points

That’s what I’m talking about. OK then.

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5 points

To be specific, it’d likely immediately fuck up the electrical signals in the brain, thus killing the brain.

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4 points

What if all the water turned to wine at 1 standard drink per hour

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2 points
*

Seconds as wine amd water do not have the same consistency. Your blood cells won’t move effectively enough and a BAC of 6% is extremely fatal as most will die at .6%

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63 points

Can Jesus turn the water in wine into wine?

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45 points

Jesus invented brandy.

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9 points

Wait, is that what brandy is?

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13 points

Sort of. You distil the wine, ethanol comes out first in a higher concentration than water, you also get some bits of the wine flavour, but some is left behind as well. Over time the ABV of the liquid coming out of the still drops as the ethanol is mostly boiled off. Mostly. There would probably still be traces of it left down to the last few drops if you were to evaporate all of it.

Fun fact though when chefs add wine and say “it just boils off”, this is mostly a lie. Depending on how you are cooking it some amount will remain. A long stew probably removes most but something quick would still contain a lot of the alcohol. But it’s a very small amount in total.

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32 points

Better quality version:

Source: Instagram

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1 point

People have said the fact is derived from experiment done on live human subjects by the WW2 Japanese torture unit, Unit 731.

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4 points

I don’t believe you can figure out the water content of a living human. And if you can, I don’t want to know how.
You could just weigh a mummified body instead, figure out how much a living person of the same sex and height would weigh, and the difference would be water. (Not accounting for the internal organs that were removed during mummification).

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6 points

Same way you learn the water content of any vegetable. Weigh it, then stick it in a kiln at 100 degrees for a few weeks, then weigh it again.

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1 point

Somewhere there’s some catacombs with dessicated corpses. I think it might have been Prague. So you could weigh some of them and take an average.

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3 points

For anyone not aware of them, there’s a rather intense set of Behind the Bastards podcast about it.

Truly grim.

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27 points

Wine is 80-90% water. So that can be turned into wine with a wine base. And so forth. What is the end result?

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20 points

Ethanol poisoning apparently

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6 points

Ethanol with grape flavouring

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3 points

Port.

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23 points

kind of a dick move to leave your friend in a wheelchair when you’re jesus

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