It has to be bad if they resort to trying to sell EVs to climate change deniers.
This looks like an SNL sketch. People keep expressing sympathy for the onion writers, but really, how does one even parody this? Just shot for shot, word for word something a satirist would come up with.
50 years ago, the president advertising a product probably would have lead to investigations
Now it barely makes the evening news.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Checkers_speech
It did, but he got the VP nom anyway. And he went on to fundamentally reshape the Republican Party over the next twenty five years.
Heck, no need to go back 50 years. If Biden did it there’d be backlash. Trump was right about being able to shoot someone and not losing supporters.
I remember they were ready to impeach Obama for wearing a tan suit.
These guys and suits… and of course musk can wear his t-shirt and no one says shit.
I figure The Onion just has to full on go the opposite direction.
-Trump Returns Funds to Ukraine: Turns Back on Russia.
-Functioning Government Returns to the United States
-Democrats Embrace The Left
Headlines no one could believe and stories about things basically working like they should.
(ChatGPT story)
Americans Celebrate Having One Regular Day, Say It’s “Exactly What They Needed”
New York, NY — In an unprecedented turn of events, Americans across the country are celebrating what they are calling “the most normal, regular day in recent memory,” marking a significant break from the chaotic, unpredictable rollercoaster of modern life.
“It’s honestly been a while since I’ve had a day like this,” said Karen Thompson, 42, of Dayton, Ohio, who reported that her Tuesday included nothing more than answering a few emails, picking up groceries, and getting a slightly-too-hot coffee at her local Starbucks. “I didn’t get any bad news. No surprise work projects. I even made it through traffic without being rear-ended by a guy in a Dodge Ram. It was a good day. I’m feeling rejuvenated.”
In cities from coast to coast, Americans woke up to the kind of day they hadn’t experienced in months: no major scandals, no worldwide crises, no seismic shifts in public opinion. For once, the news cycle wasn’t dominated by geopolitical unrest or trending hashtags. In fact, the only noteworthy event was that the Wi-Fi went out for about 15 minutes — and even then, no one freaked out.
“I haven’t had a day this uneventful since… I don’t even remember,” said Jack Morris, 29, from Austin, Texas. “I didn’t even get an email with ‘urgent’ in the subject line. I was able to enjoy lunch without my coworker telling me they’ve started a podcast. It was just me and my turkey sandwich, and honestly, it was great.”
At a press conference held to commemorate the event, a spokesperson for the National Association of Regular Days (NARD) explained that the organization was “thrilled” to see this rare occurrence of calm, adding that they hope it signals the beginning of a new era of moderation.
“The public has long been craving a moment to just breathe,” the spokesperson said. “We’re seeing a nationwide trend of people taking an actual break from the chaotic ‘always on’ mentality. It’s almost as if they’re starting to realize… hey, maybe a day of normalcy isn’t so bad after all.”
While some have expressed concerns that this “regular day” could be the result of a political conspiracy or an alien invasion disguised as mundane life, the overall mood across the nation remains overwhelmingly positive. Social media has been flooded with #OneRegularDay memes, with people praising the “non-urgent vibe” of the day.
“It’s been great,” said social media influencer Mia Stewart, 23. “No pressure to be perfect, no need to overshare every moment of my life — just a regular day. So glad we could all experience it together. Honestly, I think I might do it again tomorrow.”
At press time, the news cycle had already shifted back to unpredictable chaos, but Americans remained hopeful that a few more normal days might be just around the corner.
NSFW ish
Tap for spoiler
It’s about fellatio tho. You should check it out if you aren’t American and know science words.
NSFWish (select to expand)...
Esoterical Fun Fact: Peter North was rated as one of the best partners to have sex with by female porn stars of the time, because of the size of his penis, and his love making skills.
Edit: Its dry humor guys, related to the parent comment that this comment is replying to (he’s one of the actors in the image; his name is mentioned). Relax.
The richest man on Earth for now
It’s insane that both of them think this will help…
They truly don’t understand that the vast majority of Americans fucking hate them. And the ones that do like one of them, already like both.
Zero people will have any change of opinion because of this.
Oh, it will help. Elon can afford to tank the losses from share price fall, then he’ll grab loads more with a discount and there will be an eventual rebound. And then we will have the very first trillionaire in the world.
I guess one of the reasons for Musk to murder Twitter shares was to test how effectively he can tank the financial damage and still ride it out before going full nuclear on his companies.
Reminds me of one British twat called Humphrey Smith, who owns all companies as unlimited and tanks all legal expenses himself so he can do whatever the fuck he wants with them and with staff. Oh, he also owns a town and does whatever the fuck he wants there too.
At some point, the bill is due. If the stock isn’t producing dividends, then it’s a growth stock. If the stock stops growing, or balances back to reality with their ledger sheet, then they’ll realize the growth isn’t happening because their sales are dropping like a rock, their market penetration is negative, and nobody wants to buy a vehicle associated with an actual, real life, Nazi who’s spent the better part of the last 3 months making everyone in the world’s (and especially American’s) lives a living hell.
Tesla was massively overvalued because Elon had people convinced he was a genius billionaire inventor who was going to turn Tesla into a “Energy” play. Also, he wasn’t a Nazi manipulating world governments, forming up DOGE, firing thousands of government workers, causing planes to crash, endangering everyone’s lives, and threatening to get rid of one of the very few good things to exist in this country: social security and medicaid/care.
Nobody has a crystal ball to the future, but I seriously doubt the Tesla stocks will make a rallying cry to get back to even close to where they’re at. At least not without a subsequent sell-off.
There’s just too much risk and volatility without any profits. And in the April 22nd-29th (whenever they choose to have it that week) earnings report, we’re going to see a real bloodbath of a growth stock that’s been overvalued by hundreds to thousands of a percent which fails to produce dividends or payouts to their shareholders, having a sharp, sharp line down for their quarterly earnings, with another quarter doing the same, and the one after that, etc.
It will crater.
The market can remain irrational longer than we can remain solvent, sure. But it eventually corrects. Even if it takes a recession/depression to trigger that.
I’m still wondering, do they have an advicing team or something like that or do they just always act on their own, on instinct ?
Because if they do, it’s either they never listen, either the advisers are at least as delusional and that’s even more baffling.
