9 points
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I love Dutch, but I’m sorry to say it sounds like a joke language to Germans.
A bicycle is a “fiets” (pronounced like English “feets”).
A small motorcycle is a “bromfiets”.
A bicycle with a gas engine is a “snorrfiets”.
On cycle paths where motorcycles are banned, there’s a sign:
“Dus niet brommen of snorren”.

A bicycle rental is advertized with “fietsen huren” and you can rent a bike on huren.nl (“Find de beste huurdeal”)
(Huren is the German word for prostitutes)

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2 points
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How do you mention the absurdity of the Dutch language and not include "neuken in de keuken"? ;)

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2 points

In all fairness I get a similar reaction in my own country, Portugal, when I speak in Dutch to Dutch Tourists.

It’s probably because it’s pretty rare for foreigners to know any Dutch words at all, even that simple Dutch equivalent to “thanks”.

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23 points

My Parisian waiter when I say “Merci Beaucoup, Bonne soirée monsieur”

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5 points

Parisian waiters are like that to everyone.

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15 points

Waiters in Alsace (Eastern France) will reply in German when you try to practice your French.
They reply in French when you speak German.
When you talk to them in Alsatian or Pfälzisch, they’ll introduce you to their grandma who will cook for you till you burst.

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2 points

You know Alsace well

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2 points

I live within cycling distance of the border, and go on regular cheese runs.

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2 points

Oh so that’s who’s been getting all the cheese !

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4 points

I live close to the border so we go to the Netherlands about every other month. I have tried learning some common dutch tourist phrases like ordering food or asking for the toilets. Unfortunately, so far most shops or waiters have just insisted on using English or German and I’ve been told numerous times something along the lines of “Why would you try to learn Dutch? We can all speak English.”

The front desk lady at one of the hotels we stayed at in Noord-Holland even told me “Oh, don’t learn Dutch, that’s such a waste of time.” I don’t know, I love learning at least a few sentences of the local language when I go somewhere on vacation. But I’ve never met so much resistance to it as in the Netherlands.

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