It’s my 3rd attempt at writing this so forgive me for being disorganized. I’ll try to keep it short.
Basically after long time of denying it, I have came to a conclusion that I have ADHD about 3-4 months ago. I consulted my psychiatrist about it and she says that I indeed have many ADHD symptoms (im 19m, parents pay for everything).
I live outside of US, so attending college is basically someone everyone does and so I picked Management as a field of study (you know where this is going). I had a massive hyperfixation for programming like 2 years ago but because It caused me to succumb to my interest instead of doing homework and studying, I developed a massive aversion towards it.
I have now been attending college for a few days and except for group exercises (they’re very stimulating so I have no issues with focus) my focus is completely trash. Lectures being the worst, I found tapping the desk with both of my hands to temporarily help me focus, but after this I feel completely mentally exhausted. I come home and cannot do absolutely anything.
I now think of switching to computer science since maybe I’ll renew my interest. Needless to say, Management is the worst fucking field of study I could’ve chosen since IT TOOK ME A 2 DAYS TO FINALLY GET MYSELF TO WRITE THIS. So basically when I told my parents about me wanting to switch field they replied by listining every adhd symptom i have and always had and complain about it. “you’re always bored”, “you keep changing your mind”, “you always begin most difficult stuff then drop it.”
So far my hyperfixation’s had been (in order):
- programming
- stock market
- japanese language
And when I asked about getting official diagnosis they said I make shit up, then keep on complaining about every adhd personality trait i have. I told them to read about adhd on wikipedia, they didnt. They probably think im trying to get prescription for stimulants or something to get high idk. Just tell me itll be alright im shaking from anxiety. I couldnt focus on lectures because they were only a little interwsting. I also cant even watch tv series alone for the same reason and everything bad about my life has been about school. only a lecture from economics was interesting to me but i failed at exercises because 1. careless mistakes, 2. different than expected way of thinking that doesnt align with a key, although i could argue that its correct. shshdhdhcjaksjcb just tell me itll be fine. im already diagnosed with autism (by regular psychiatrist during normal meetings lol) but shell never diagnose me with adhd since its too risky, except that i dont even want stimulants just someyhing like guafancine or wellbutrin.tell mr itll be alright im losing my mind here
Get medicated.
It doesn’t matter what you current or past hyperfixation is, or will be. You will get sick of whatever you study.
You either need to get medicated, or have iron will to get through with sheer discipline.
If you don’t, you likely will not pass. So college will be a waste of your time and money. So you should either become a self taught programmer or find a stimulating job with no college needed.
I ended up needing to take the latter of the 2 options, and I wouldn’t wish that torture on my worst enemies.
Straight out of HS I went to Uni, and it always felt like I wasn’t doing it for myself. 2.5 years and $20k later I left hastily, and went to college after a few months off. I didn’t get it right in the first year, but I went into game dev after that and barely squeaked by. Even with it being a very strong interest of mine, it was very difficult to drag myself through it. I met some incredible friends along the way that helped keep me focused enough, but it was hard.
Fast forward 3 years, and here I am now, diagnosed with mixed ADHD, medicated, with more focus than I’ve ever had. Its still not great… I have 27 years of bad habits to break, but it’s getting better.
One of the biggest things I can offer as advice is know your enemy. ADHD is tricky to deal with, but not impossible. If you have the option to make itbeasier to manage, I’d try to find a way and make it happen. I can’t speak to the autism part, but the ADHD is something that you can manage. It just takes some time.
Have you spoken to your department/college dean/administrator? I was extremely shy about it initially in college until a few Ds happened and I was basically forced into the conversation… but if you let folks know clearly about your formal diagnosis and thoughts about ADHD then they can probably help out. For instance, they can making sure you can schedule classes during your daily peak and advise individual classes to take that will help fulfill requirements for both degree paths. They may also be able to advise resources that can help confirm a diagnosis and get you medically recognized.
Just FYI, I’ve been a programmer, data architect, senior engineer and manager with ADHD - you can make these things work but it’s certainly something that comes with some unique challenges.
I wish there was more awareness about adhd where i live. If i could do what you’re suggesting it would surely help but it’ll still be hard to maintain attention during subjects that i dont find interesting, even when i want too. the issue about diagnosis is that i was recommended one clinic that does them the price was high above what i expected. 7 times what i (my parents) pay for one psychiatric appointment
I personally get a lot of benefit from caffeine. That may be able to help you some in the short term. This YouTube channel may help you find some coping strategies also: https://youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG?si=FkxBbmMp0VFkzoa0
I’m sorry your family isn’t being supportive right now. That sounds really painful. I believe in you.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/@HealthyGamerGG?si=FkxBbmMp0VFkzoa0
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
It sounds like you need stimulants. It’s easier to cope with ADHD symptoms later in life, not because they go away, but because you learn how to accommodate them and have built your life around them. When you’re 19, people still expect you to perform and compete with your peer group. If the psychiatrist doesn’t want to help you with ADHD, then try a new one. Ask your parents to listen to the medical professionals. If you can get the meds, just take them religiously and grind through your work. It does get better, but not any time soon. So be brave and try to think about your direction in life when you have times of clarity and focus. They will come, they are just few and far between. Good luck! We are here if you’d like to chat.
Hey is actually really great that you’re figuring this out before it’s too late. (Not that it’s ever too late but I think you know what I mean)
I agree with someone else’s suggestion that a second opinion is worth pursuing.
I don’t know a lot about autism but I think it has some overlapping symptoms so I can totally understand the doctors hesitation.
I’ve only found medication somewhat helpful, and don’t agree with the others that it is definitely what you need. But I do agree that you definitely do need help.
When I was in school (undiagnosed) one of the techniques that really worked for me was what I’ve now learned is called body doubling. Basically doing everything with someone else. I had a classmate that took good notes, but didn’t really internalize them while taking them, so it was my responsibility to pay attention in class so I could explain his notes to him while we did the homework assignments together. It worked really well (in the classes we had together).