So I know I don’t need a label but I’m trying to sort out some feelings I think conventional society doesn’t give us much room to think about. Pardon the rant. Would love discussion.
I know I’m Pansexual and enby and panromantic. I am in a long term monogamous relationship. But I can fall intensely in love with others, while still being intensely in love with my partner. My partner is monogamous, and I am happy to respect that. I think there is a lot of pressure in media to have to pursue every sexual and romantic desire. They press this message that if you “fall in love” with someone else than you must have also fallen out of love with the other. But I don’t find this to be true for myself.
I’m not sure where I’m going exactly why this. Still working through a nebula. Any thoughts?? Ty!
Edit: I just want to thank everyone for their input and advice. I truly appreciate it. I always figured I was poly I guess. But I don’t necessarily need to be in that kind of partnership. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to be at peace with my “outside” attractions, I’ll sit with it and experience while realizing that I’m not compelled to act on it unless it’s the right thing to do for me and my partner. My partner is definitely monogamous and needs to be the only sexual partner. I’m ok with it. I respect them and love them and I love our relationship.
Even so, I really would like to know more about this part of myself, so I especially appreciate the book recommendation and hearing other experiences.
I’m sorry I haven’t responded to comments, been very busy and will do so tomorrow most likely.
Love you all!
“Human”
Just the basic feeling? There’s no term for that (in English) because it’s (ordinarily) the universal human condition. Monogamy is a choice, not an off switch.
If it were to become anything more complex than that it might start putting its thumb on the scale for the term “polyamory”, a linguistic abomination (should be polyphilia or multiamory) you can look up for a deeper dive.
Dang, I can’t find the article I read about women using a promiscuous reproductive strategy and how they are less likely to care about the promiscuity of others than women using a monogamous reproductive strategy, who care very much that no one be promiscuous.
Long story short: there are both men and women who do and don’t mind multiple sexual relationships.
That said, societies put limits on what is acceptable and you probably see that in movies. From my personal casual observation, it seems normal for people to be attracted to multiple people, but acting on that – or even talking about it – is likely to upset a partner trying to establish a pair-bond. It can be a threat that the pair-bond may be broken if/when a competitor lures the ‘attracted’ partner away.
More than that, I know new moms furious at their husbands for playing video games. Hubby says he’s worked all day and wants to unwind, but mom says the baby needs care and hubby’s gaming leaves mom as stranded and alone as if hubby was cheating.
Here’s a short bit: https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2000/10/female-monogamy-is-fiction-not-fact-hrdy-says/
Stuff on monogamy:
University Student
