Getting hit with a lot of emotions. Some scary and some exciting.
My wife is being really supportive and we’ve been talking through all of this the past couple days nonstop.
Part of me is ready to shave everything and start HRT and feel pretty, but I’m also fucking terrified about how my world will react. It’s also only been a few days but I feel like a whole new world has been opened up to me?
I don’t know. I want to everyone and nobody so I thought I’d scream into the void here. Hope that is ok.
I’m so fucking empowered by all of you
Congratulations!!! It’s a long and difficult journey of self discovery, but the pay off in the end is amazing.
One word of advice that took me years to realize but really changed everything once I did … Do whatever it takes to feel good about YOU and do not let the outside forces influence or discourage you. YOU need to do what makes YOU happy and it’s no one else’s fucking business.
Thank you! I’m fighting with the thoughts of not being pretty enough to do any meaningful changes? But I think a lot of that is coming from what I see in the mirror currently. He feels so lost and hollow and I don’t see “me” yet. I don’t even know what I look like
This is exactly how many others have described it. Don’t judge yourself harshly before you’ve begun, sweetie. None of us started in an “ideal” place. Take care!
Thank you ❤️
It’s such a bizarre feeling. Thinking you’re seeing yourself in the mirror your entire life and then realizing that the real you is buried.
I see a glimmer of my true self in my eyes now. I already look lighter if that makes sense. More happy. Just by working on my self acceptance.
I started my journey, for real this time, last month. I had never grined so hard in my entire life. It feels so freeing and refreshing to be my true self. I walk around in opposite-gendered, than my outer shell, clothing and I never saw anyone to roll their eyes or look at me with disgust. Most are just busy with themselves.
I also started using hair removal gel on my arms (I have very dense and dark colored hair) and they feel so smooth and right. I love it!
You can scream, yell, and feel pretty. All of that is valid. And you are valid!
So let me say: welcome! I’m Yuna :)
I’ve been wanting to do some hair removal, but I’ve got this pre-planned trip to Texas coming up so… Don’t really want to make any noticeable changes before that. But definitely this winter when I can experiment undetected under long clothing 😁💯
I’ve not gone out full fem, but I’m pretty sure I would get looks. I have went out a couple times in polish and for the most part, I don’t think anyone acted like they noticed. One time I was an anxious wreck though, hiding my hands half the day.
But definitely this winter when I can experiment undetected under long clothing
One time I was an anxious wreck though, hiding my hands half the day.
That’s totally fine. We got lots of internalised trans-“phobia” (its not a phobia, they are just assholes!) to deal with and getting over that takes time.
Hi Yuna! Thanks for the welcome :) girl, do I relate to the hair stuff. My wife actually recommended I try nair because I have hair everywhere and I feel like a ball of gross. Gonna take the time tonight to shave everything (something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was “too girly” so I stopped)
I’m looking forward to feeling smooth and soft. It’s going to be the first thing I change/explore.
Really happy to hear nobody seemed “offended” by you being your true self. That’s gonna be a hard one for me I think. I have some friends who I know would support and understand. But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho (I’m in the finance sector, so think wolf of Wall Street) and I don’t think I could ever be brave enough there.
I keep telling my wife and my self that I have just wanted to feel pretty for so long. And now I realize I can feel pretty. It’s not too girly because damn it I’m girly!
(something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was “too girly” so I stopped)
Oh i can relate so much with that! In my Egg time before “now” I always had some phases were I longed for the girly stuff. But dismissed it as a phase, and because i’m a man gods damn it! Like one time on a ren festival wearing a long flowy maxi skirt and a wig, because thats totally just a costume, right :D
But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho
Family… yeah… I’m getting anxious just thinking about coming out to my dad and mother. My siblings were totally chill. And Workplace… I hope your country has some checks in place against discrimination.
And now I realize I can feel pretty. It’s not too girly because damn it I’m girly!
Heck yeah! Show them who’s boss! Because that’s you, sister!
Same! I have been counting all the times I shut myself down when I was getting a little too comfortable with my true self.
Finger nail polish was fun until a teacher yelled at me for being a distraction.
Shaving my arms and legs was fun until I realized how nice it made me feel.
Watching my mom put on makeup and wanting to try it until she started asking if I was gay. (I mean yes, but not in the way you think mom 😏)
How did you tell your wife? I think I’m in a similar spot, really feel ya regarding being hit with a truck if emotions, but I’ve no idea how to tell my wife (Technically just gf but of 11 years - starting to understand why I’ve never had a desire to pop the question )
I realized I needed to text her that I had something I wanted to bring up about myself. Nothing I thought was bad or anything but told her I needed to text her to keep from chickening out.
So when we were able to talk, I broke down into tears and said “I think I might be trans”
And in an effort to save our marriage and family I needed to be 100% honest with her about my feelings and I needed that in return from her. Even if that means she was struggling to cope.
Again, we have been talking about it from when we wake up to when we go to sleep. Recontextualizing our entire relationship (been together for 15+ years and have a 15mo)
I have found it really affirming to hear her bring up some instances and behaviors in the past that now make total sense to her. I haven’t felt this close to her in years and she’s willing to support me even though the future for us is kind of uncertain.
She told me this morning I was practically glowing and she could see this massive weight lifted off of me. She told me she missed me so much and is glad to have me back.
I can’t say that is how your partner will react and it’s still not smooth sailing but keeping the communication going is crucial.
Good luck friend! I’m rooting for you and am here if you wanna talk. I’m new to all of this myself, but I hate the feeling of not knowing who I could talk to in my life about these things.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I was still struggling with the labels so all I could say was “not cis” but that’s a difficult thing to tell someone you’ve been in a relationship with for 10+years “hey… I might not be who we thought I was” 😅
I’m happy to hear she is accepting and working through it with you. Mine kind of had a crisis of her own trying to reconcile her side of feelings but is supportive and seems more confident in our relationship now, which is awesome. It’s definitely not easy but the help is awesome!
My therapist told me at one point “you haven’t shown this much personality before” and I think I’ve seen her in and off a couple years now 😅 although, I got an antidepressant combo that may have helped that, and also probably allowed me enough mental bandwidth to realize I was an egg too!
Also, out of curiosity, did you also spend too much time in egg_irl? 😂
Girl, I spent time on egg_irl back when I thought i was some sort of open minded cis man. Thinking the memes were hilarious for “some reason”
Even showed some memes to my wife because they’re “funny” but I “definitely wasn’t trans because of course not!”
It went from idle curiosity - to being “a good ally” by better understanding the trans community - to “oh fuck this is me?”
I remember feeling so sure I wasn’t trans and the memes were just quality content 😆
I know hindsight is 20/20, but damn I was blind to sooo many signs through my whole life.
:D ayyoooo! congrats girlie!! I’m glad that your wife is taking well to it, too, it’s definitely easier knowing you got someone who understands on your side of the ring.
It can be hard sometimes, people can be ruthless, but it always feels like it’s worth it. You is a bad bitch, you got this hon!!
