EDIT: Thank you all so much for your thoughtful input. It means so much to me.
Hi, all. I’m looking to change my nasty tendency to be a sore loser, particularly when playing games. I tend to personalize losses that are of no consequence. When the game starts to shift against me, I often stop trying as hard because it feels hopeless. My partner is much more proficient at board games than I am, and I don’t want this toxic trait of mine to make games less fun for us. What are some things you all tried to lessen this train of thought, if you’ve experienced it?
I am still this way a bit. Really it boils down to perspective.
For me I broke it down like this
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You get angry about losing because it makes you feel incompetent
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I am allowed to enjoy things casually, I don’t have to excel. I can excel at things that actually matter and have real world consequences, like work
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There are a million factors that can feed into a loss; luck being one of them
This is a worthwhile struggle. Realizing you want to change your perspective is a great start.
For me it was a shift in perspective. It sounds trite, but basically, I turned “having fun” in to the thing I’m trying to win. So I still optimise and strategise, but sometimes it’s to make ridiculous moves that will make people laugh. Sometimes it’s to keep the game close, and sometimes it’s just to try and win. It all depends on who I’m playing with and the mood at the table
Reframe your goals. Is the game about winning or is it about having fun with your friends? Almost always the real goal is the latter, but our lizard brains don’t always realize this. Sometimes this may mean you choose to play differently because your goal is to maximize fun rather than win rate. And that way if you do lose you don’t feel bad because you still had a good time.
I just stopped competing. I’m not a good loser or winner haha. I really like cooperative games.
I’ve felt this way for a long time. The stress of competition and navigating other people made me feel grumpy if I was losing and maybe a bit arrogant when I won, and it brought everything down. So I said forget it. No more PvP, give me co-op or I’ll just go solo.
But recently a friend pulled me into his Magic: The Gathering group, a game I always thought I wouldn’t like. They’ve all been very patient and encouraging about teaching me and another newbie how to play, providing all the cards, and just generally being excellent. Having a friendly and good-natured group makes it all feel so different.
We’re just having fun, there are no real stakes, and I like that. And even if I got more serious about planning my deck and competing, I feel like they would totally go along with that. Or it could stay as purely a reason to hang out and socialize, which is great and something I value a lot differently after the pandemic years.
