They treat service people well.
they read books
I dunnoβ¦distractions, too much commitment, feels indulgent,β¦ ? Just got a book for my birthday and read the first 100 pages aloud in the car because my husband and son wanted to hear it. Now itβs been on my coffee table for two weeks and Iβm struggling to pick it back up.
As a fellow reader, how do you identify others in the wild? I feel like my method sucksβ¦
My method is very simple, just looking for people who sit and read in trains, cafΓ©s, etc., most people who do that tend to be people who like to read books.
I just talk about books Iβve read when relevant, or during the βwhatve you been up to?β small talk.
There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I wonβt get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they donβt improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they wonβt learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself wonβt benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partnerβs skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isnβt easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I canβt get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that itβs his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior wonβt learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they donβt get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they donβt immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, itβs an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and itβs great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just arenβt getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
Somewhat related⦠I work at a garden center and my manager is a professor of horticulture. When I transferred to her department, I thought I would be learning so much, but this woman has no passion for teaching and is cynical about everything. She sucks the life and fun out of work. Luckily I enjoy working with my other coworkers, and everybody likes me better than they do her.
This really sucks, but Iβm glad the other people there werenβt dragged down by the manager and remained positive people to interact with.
Bit of an updateβ¦ 3 out of 4 of us employed under her are planning to quit after the new year. Weβre just finishing the holiday season because itβs a busy time and donβt want to bail when itβs all hands on deck right now.
The 4th person is only part-time and we havenβt told him yet about our plans, so he may join us once he finds out.
All of us are quitting because of the manager.
I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. Iβm not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isnβt obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too
Thatβs exactly it! This matches the spirit of hikitate geiko beautifully. Youβre both helping your opponent understand the game better, creating opportunities for them to challenge themselves in engaging ways and helping them feel awesome while doing it, which is a great motivator to improve and play more in the future.
Do you feel this makes you a better MTG player in general when you do it?
Iβd say it depends who Iβm against but overall yeah. Thereβs always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than Iβll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state Iβm talking about so lots of research goes into it.
I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space Iβm comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol
They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They donβt externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they donβt have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
That bonus really looked like it was going somewhere else for a second there.
Uses vim?
Now Iβm not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably Iβm gonna die alone.
I only date someone if they have successfully entered, and exited, the gates of vim.