131 points

In a long dumb story I once went to jail over a speeding ticket that was a day late.

The two cops couldn’t believe they had to arrest me for it and the jail was so backed up I was there for four days.

I was still a teenager and terrified, but I put on a face and told every joke I’d ever heard to get by. My last morning there My bunkmate found me so entertaining he offered me a free prostitute, which I had to very politely decline.

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29 points

i mean, did you at least look at the photo?

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14 points
*

I remember when I got admitted at 20. Two Latino dudes and white, teenage me in the cell.

One dude had my mat for my bed. He saw that I walked in, looked at me, then got up without a word and put the mat on the bunk for me. I thanked him, introduced ourselves, and talked. Nicest person the whole time there. The jail staff were assholes on a powertrip. This dude ended giving me his “mom’s” number bc I do programming and stuff, which I ended misplacing. He said he was in for them finding a large amount of $ in a… foreign… car. I still wonder to this day how life would be different had I called that number.

Hope he is doing well.

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117 points

… Just say thank you? You don’t need to follow through with their offer to acknowledge their appreciation.

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118 points
*

Nah, it’s just that she had so many names pop into her head and wasn’t expecting such a rare and selfless offer. It’s crazy what happens when you treat nurses with respect and kindness like anyone else.

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29 points
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Deleted by creator
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15 points

“Actually I’m gonna just write down people to not kill, everyone else is fair game.”

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7 points
*

This occasional offering should be better publicized, then maybe people would be nicer.

Otherwise:
“You know what, there’s this Karen down in ward 7…”

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1 point

My dude! 🤣

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0 points

Whoosh

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67 points

For some reason I imagined MS13 having a super courteous hotline with corporate help desk people for their hitmen.

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23 points

Lol just ICA style Diana Burnwood answers the phone. You’re like “my upstairs neighbor is pretty loud I guess, idk, never done this before.” That night, he disappears off the face of the planet.

“Contract complete 47, good work”

Meanwhile the police are casually questioning you about if you’ve seen him recently.

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49 points

you need someone taken care of

*Dude starts nursing school

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9 points

It would really help me out if you could take care of the elderly. All of them. I know you can do this because you’re a soldier.

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6 points

like unironically though, i feel like at least some gangsters could be set on an at least slightly better path if the nurse that saved their life asked that they make fewer people die rather than more

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37 points

Got it, don’t fuck with doctors and medics. Understood.

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12 points

The only group of people that you don’t fuck with even more is dentists

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10 points

True, they don’t need hitman services.

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3 points

The only group of people that you don’t fuck with even more is the 9 out of 10 dentists group

FTFY

We don’t talk about that 1 in 10 anymore. Anyone know why?

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2 points

I don’t know what’s more terrifying: a dentist’s bottom drawer or a surgeon’s bottom drawer.

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7 points
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4 points

If you need a reason, that’s a pretty good one.

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WholeSomeMemes

!wholesomememes@lemmy.ml

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Welcome to the wholesome side of the internet! This community is for those searching for a way to capture virtue on the internet.

whole·some meme hōl-səm\mēm
A meme that promotes health or well-being of body, mind, and/or soul.

A meme that is pure of heart, devoid of corruption or malice, modest, stable, virtuous, and all-around sweet and compassionate.

A meme that conveys support, positivity, compassion, understanding, love, affection, and genuine friendship by re-contextualizing classic meme formats, and using them to display warmth and empathy.

A meme with no snark or sarcasm that displays genuine human emotion and subverts a generally negative meme to be more positive.

Definition of a meme/memetics A way of describing cultural information being shared.

An element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by non genetic means, especially imitation.

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This includes “Let’s get this to the front page!” type posts, “You have been visited by”, “people who sort by new”, “stop scrolling”, Low effort memes include: Skyrim “Wholesome 100”, “You’re Breathtaking”, Thanos “That does put a smile on my face”, [happiness noises], Fallout [Everybody liked that], and “Because that’s what heroes do”. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but I think you get the idea!

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