I’m currently at this juncture and trying to decide whether to go back to school and start entirely fresh or to hold out for another year or two to see how things go. The anxiety of what the future may or may not hold is real and I’m just standing here, watching the distances shorten faster and faster while still not knowing.
What’s your take, Beeple?
Yeah, I’ve had similar anxiety recently choosing a new place for my family to live. I think keep in mind that if both choices seem like good options you’re likely to get some good outcomes either way. My wife put it like this,
What’s nice is the way the human brain works, down the road we’ll be thinking, “I’m glad we made this choice because then X happened.”
hallettj, I really like your wife’s take!
OP these two pieces of advice from an old college professor might help:
- If you can’t choose between two things, make a list of all the pros and cons of the first thing, then a list for the second thing, place them side by side, and make an emotional decision.
- Always have a Plan B.
About 15 years ago I left the career path I’d started to move cross country and go to graduate school. I thought I might want to do research. Some wonderful things and some terrible times came out of that. I learned and grew greatly. Strangely I ended back on a similar career path, not as far along as I might have been but not back at the beginning either. Nothing’s a mistake as long as you learn from it. Whichever path you take, check in with yourself sometimes to see if it’s still working for you. If not, ask yourself what you can learn from that info.
If you have any questions about specifics I’m happy to try and answer.
Growing up (and admittedly into adulthood) I had trouble “quieting my brain” enough to make emotional decisions like the kind you’ve described. One trick that’s really helped me make use of this technique is to assign each option to the face of a coin - in OP’s case this might look like “heads I go back to school, tails I stay at this job”. Then, having assigned each option and telling yourself you’re going with the choice the coin makes, you flip it. Only, what you’re really doing is getting a gut reaction to a decision being made for you, and you go with how you feel about it.
It was introduced to me as the “zen coin flip” in case anyone wants to learn more about it.
I’ve done this countless times for smaller things, but I’ve never thought to apply the coin flip to big changes. I’ll give it a shot.
I’ll be the Oracle from Matrix. “Because you didn’t come here to make the choice, you’ve already made it. You’re here to try to understand why you made it.”
I must have seen that movie a hundred times, but I didn’t really understand this until I got older. Every time I seemed to be paralyzed by the choices, it turned out I was just afraid to commit to what I really wanted to do.
Not sure if knowing more about your career path, skillset, and planned change could help in giving you better advice… all I can say is: I was in a similar spot once. And tell you a story.
Once upon a time… I had to choose between going to college, or jumping into a job offer and leaving college for maybe later. Had about 4h to decide, but I took inventory of all I knew, asked some people, and based on my skills, career and abilities, everyone told me to ditch the job, college was more important and would get me more doors to open. I kind of knew that was “supposed to be” the answer too, “learn to fish” and all that, and was eager to take that path… so I did that, passed on the job, went to college.
Some time later, life happened, it became harder and harder to stay in college, so I dropped out and jumped into some jobs. As it turned out, none were like the one I had passed on. Then life happened again, and working became harder… life happened again, and forced me to switch and twist my career… and life kept happening, and messing things over and over, up until right now. It hasn’t really stopped yet.
Had I picked not to go to college that year, things would have been different. Hard to say whether for the better or worse… even if I’m 99% convinced it would’ve been better, and I could’ve gone back to college at any point.
…or maybe not, maybe life would have kept happening, just in some other ways, messing up things in that other path I didn’t take.
In hindsight, I know I took a bad path, but I can’t know whether the other would’ve been necessarily better. Thinking back to that moment, all the data I had back then, pointed to the choice I did make, so I don’t think I really made a mistake, even if it didn’t pan out nearly as planned.
Turns out, life has its ways to really mess up a lot of plans… but you don’t really have a choice, you make some plans, to the best of your knowledge and abilities, and then… who knows, maybe they pan out, maybe they don’t.
So my advice would be: make your plans, to the best of your knowledge and abilities… make a pro/con list, weigh the probabilities, ask people for input… but if the anxiety is too much, just stop thinking about it, toss a coin, whatever.
You can’t know what the future will hold, can’t know whether the best of your decision making will pick a good, or even a better path, not even in hindsight… so just make a decision, see how life unfolds, and don’t worry too much, it will be whatever it will be.
Good luck.
I was, multiple times. I always decided for the path I can justify the easiest to myself. Almost always, the lazy way was the one I didn’t choose. I know I’ll be still me in 10, 20, 50 years and I really don’t want to look back to a time when I was younger but didn’t do what’d give me the best position at older age. Yes, this even included not trying to find a girlfriend because I rather spend that time learning, self reflecting and pursuing a career. And I personally believe this was always the best decision. A lot of decisions can be made really easy if you look up stoicism and meditate about what truly is in your hand and what is totally chance of luck.
At the end of the day, you know deep inside what the right choice for you is. The unknown is scary, but the future is always unknown, no matter what you choose.
I went the route of going back to school for a fresh start, after my first career attempt didn’t work out. It was absolutely the right choice. I went from feeling stuck in a bad situation and absolutely miserable, to a career that allows me to live my best life and I am infinitely more happy.
I didn’t know what was going to come out of the change. I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing. When I went back to school, I did as many different internships as I could, since I knew what I didn’t want to do, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do anymore. I ended up falling into a career field I never even knew existed, but matches up to my strengths perfectly. Bonus points for being paid more than I ever imagined I could make (I basically tripled my income from my old job when I started my current one).
Life’s short. Change is constant, no matter what you choose. Do what makes you happy, even if it’s scary. We all end up as worm food, do you want to live your life as a series of “What ifs?” Or do you want to take a chance and try new things?
