Take your fucking socks and sandals and march your ass right out of my open air brick patio, sir.

This one right here, officer. He’s a menace.

You monster! How do you even know if they’re tongy enough?

I can almost forgive some of these others. But I don’t understand how a person, much less a dad, could even begin to commit such an attrocity. The second I don’t click the tongs, tweezers, hell even scissors, you will know that I have been compromised.

You make me sick.

I clack them to the terminator theme. Even if I didn’t want to, I don’t think I could avoid it.

But how do you know they are working if you don’t clack them?

liers anonymous next room

This is genuinely upsetting. How could you

Is it really grilling if there’s no clacking?

You just lost grilling privileges.

I’ve always wanted to ask someone who is into doing it. Since I’ve got you here, what satisfaction do you derive from posting outright lies and falsehoods on the internet?

I optimise mine for max clibbins dispersion.

Or if it’s really thick and damp I’ll do a patern like 2 rows forward 1 row back so they get finely mulched instead of clumped. Think a narrow clockwise rectangle on the right of a given square of grass that slowly walks to the left so the clipings are pulled away from the uncut grass and then run ove again on the return trip. Also helps in case it’s thick enough that the grass isn’t fully being cut.

This guy Dads.

But you have to alternate the pattern each time you mow or you’ll get wheel ruts.

Same here. It’s sort of a square shape following the borders and obstacles. I think the time savings are much greater compared to doing a 180 on either end, or walking the mower backwards.

I try to go the opposite direction on the next mow, if I remember.

Exactly this. I do the trim of the section I am working, then any areas that cannot be bulk mowed, then smaller and smaller square pattern on the bulk to avoid time consumed on excessive turning/momentum loss. Grass looks fine, not trying to impress anyone, and I get back to my family sooner.

“Hi hungry, I’m dad”

Your WHAT?

My Roomba vacuums in a pattern. It finds the edges of the room, finds obstacles, and then goes ||||| across the middle of the room, doing little circles around table legs.

I’d need 6 of 'em for my lawn, last time I checked. Would bee nice tho