129 points

Because you are not good at it

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43 points
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At least let me apply. Or is this some recruit type situation where they meet me in a dark alley and burn off my fingerprints.

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30 points

Email the CIA. Apply for military intelligence.

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19 points
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Hello CIA,

How’s it going?

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5 points

You know years ago I heard a recruitment ad for the CIA on the radio, and that caught me a little off guard, I always kind of assumed the CIA personally reached out to specific candidates and hired through shady back channels and such and didn’t really do open recruitment.

I guess it makes sense though, for every James Bond type super spy there’s probably a hundred different random office staff, IT guys, clerks, mailroom guys, secretaries, janitors, accountants, etc. who handle boring day-to-day operational stuff and rarely or never get to see any of the crazy spy craft stuff happening.

And I guess once you land one of those jobs, maybe you can get your foot in the door for eventual promotion to International Man of Mystery.

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9 points

If you have the background and get the right head hunter, you can get sponsored for your TS/SCI. I used to work for a place…

I will tell you, however, that working in a SCIF is not as awesome as it looks on TV.

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77 points

A) Labour is much cheaper in Russia than the US.

B) What foreign languages do you speak relatively fluently?

C) Do those foreign languages match to countries where elections have consequences AND the US has a vested interest in destabilizing them?

D) If the answer to C was yes, really? Where?

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47 points

OP thinks you should be scrolling on Indeed and see

Do you enjoy shitposting on the internet all day? Join the CIA and you can get paid to shitpost in our many psychological warfare operations. From attacking leftist causes and amplifying corporate shills in political races, to discrediting climate science and the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians in the Middle East, there is no limit to what you could accomplish with the CIA.

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12 points

Ahaha, that’s great! Only thing missing is a specific list of countries they CIA intends to destabilize.

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Do you speak Russian, or Chinese? B/c you won’t be very effective doing it in English or high-school level Spanish.

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2 points

I speak Russian natively, where to enlist? :D

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30 points
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Are you in the military, at least? Because that’s sort of step one. They don’t want the random weed addict who is terminally online. They at least want to know you will follow orders and finish missions through.

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11 points

…they should really consider taking the weed addicts.

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1 point
Deleted by creator
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25 points

The US is almost certainly doing it too. I don’t think they’re going to post them on Indeed though.

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6 points

They are also probably giving the contract to a defense contractor who is turning around and outsourcing it, so there are no US based jobs to troll for the US.

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3 points

So, to the Russians?

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3 points

Looks at Infographics Show content from the past 2 years

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1 point

You don’t need to look to the military either.

Coca-cola experimented with subliminal advertising to see if they could mind control people into buying their products but for some reason we think they wouldn’t stoop to manipulating social media, the Clockwork Orange reprogramming system that we pin our own eyelids open for.

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Showerthoughts

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A “Showerthought” is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you’re doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The most popular seem to be lighthearted, clever little truths, hidden in daily life.

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