I’m looking for a little advice because I’m feeling pretty lost. Without going too far into it, my manager at work is using things that she knows are part of my disability, autism, to give others a negative impression of my work performance and conduct, and causing me to be disciplined. I believe she’s trying to have me fired or get me to quit. She’s also been giving me an excessive workload, being rude, not giving me feedback or information, and outright lying about me. I’ve been with the company for almost a decade, she’s been with it for less than two years, and I’ve never had any issues like this. I’d always disclosed my disability, which is how she knew about it, but never requested accommodations because no one gave me problems. My director and VP seem to be on her side and working with her to get rid of me.
After dealing with this for a few weeks and turning into a nervous, stressed out mess, I replied to an email she sent and outlined exactly how things she was saying was discrimination and a legal liability for the company. I asked to be reassigned to a different manager. I sent it to a bunch of higher ups on Friday evening, including the head of HR. I’ve also been going through the formal accommodation process and my doctor got them the paperwork on Thursday.
I’m now terrified to go into work on Monday. I’m scared I’m going to be dragged into a meeting room and intimidated into recanting my statements or told that what I’ve experienced isn’t really discrimination. I’m worried they’re going to say no to any accommodations, no matter how narrowly I’ve constructed them. I’m afraid they all hate me and want me gone or they’re going to fire me. I don’t want to go in at all.
I was wondering if anyone else has gone through anything like this and can give me advice for what to do beyond just documenting everything as I’ve already been doing. Has anyone dealt with this and come out on top? Had similar experiences? How do I not feel so afraid?
I’ve had only one workplace experience that I would consider extreme. I was directly threatened (unsolicited physical harm) by another co-worker. I immediately brought it to the attention of the manager and their response was: “I don’t have time for this shit!”.
I walked out, got in my car and drove home. Then I wrote a very detailed letter (email) to the corporate headquarters explaining what had transpired. The next morning I went back to work, with several printed copies of that email, to hand deliver to the managers.
While waiting in my car for the building to open, one of the managers came to speak to me. They expressed to me that they knew what had happened the previous day and headquarters weren’t going to do anything about it. I gave that manager the printed copies, drove home and never looked back.
I had enough self-respect and dignity to just move on and leave all those assholes behind.
Sounds like you’ve got your bases covered. The only thing I might add is getting legal advice from someone who specializes in ADA/Title II. Unfortunately, there isn’t really an effective escape from workplace bullying other than to GTFO if HR is unhelpful.
First. Breathe. Do some mindful meditation if you’d like.
Second. Do NOT quit!
Third. Know that you can call in sick on Monday if you need to.
Fourth. Find a lawyer that specializes in employment law and Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) issues. You can do this by contacting a lawyer that is busy and specializes in something else (like real estate, or whatever) and asking if they know someone that can help. Most lawyers won’t charge for an initial consultation, so use that first call/meeting to it’s fullest.
Fifth. Go into the office and find out what their response to the email(s) is. There’s no point in guessing and avoiding finding out. Record conversations (find out about consent for recording in your state). Write notes.
I want to record but I’m in a two party state and I’m afraid that they’re either going to refuse or fire me for trying to record the conversation.
You can use the corporate approach and tell them that you are recording the conversation and show them that pressed record on your device. Let them choose if they want to continue the conversation without verbally expressing that option to them. If they make it a point to ask you to stop the recording, you can choose to stop and simply take notes.
Are you in a union with your coworkers?
If so, if you get called into any (non-open-to-everyone) meetings the coming weeks/months, make sure your union rep is right there with you.
If not, you should unionize
That’s unfortunate. I’m not sure what the situation is at your location, but here in Norway literally every type of work from cleaning shores, through industry and even CEOs, have their respective union. So there might be a relevant union for your workplace, still. Safety for the employees lies in numbers.
In the short term though, I’d recommend reaching out to a local/regional union-of-interest, like a “disabilities-in-the-workplace” watchdog organization.
Your boss&CO sound willing to infantilize you, if it becomes a case, so solid evidence of their conduct is important. though let’s hope your emails solved it, and makes them realize their wrongs.
Keep recordings of all work meetings the coming year
- keep your phone in your pocket, make sure your phone mic is pointed in the right direction, and test sound quality beforehand. Garble is not useful for anything.
- if possible, you should have a ‘panic’ button sequence on your phone, to hide/stop recording.
- do not admit you have faults not caused by your condition, on tape!
- You have the right to know who will be part of a meeting, and what the meeting is about, beforehand. They can still spring a meeting on you, if they don’t care.
