If someone dumps me on a first date over my phone then so be it. It actually looks like dodging a bullet.
On a serious note, Aziz Ansari (Tom Haverford from Parks and Rec) has a pretty good book called Modern Romance that’s worth a read. When he does standup, he’ll have a volunteer from the audience swipe though their Tinder (or Bumble or whatever) matches. The amount of trivial stuff that people dismiss potential partners for is absolutely amazing. People will be like “they’re a Bears fan, swipe left.”
So people could be compatible on 999/1000 different levels, but our methods of online dating almost allow too much choice, because people feel like they should hold out to find someone who matches 1000/1000.
I would love to say “use whatever you like”, but these Apple sycophants are ridiculous. They literally judge people because of the color of a text bubble! It’s like saying “both US political parties are bad”. Like, yeah: one party is flawed, but the other wants to destroy Democracy…
Men, proudly drag that battered and cracked android phone out on the first date, it’s a litmus test for shallow people, apparently.
I went on a first date with a girl I met from work. She farted loud enough to be heard over drunken yelling and music in the steakhouse we were in, immediately after saying “I don’t get embarassed”.
In a couple of weeks, we will have been together for 16 years. We’ve been married for 14 years. We cook together every evening, we hold each other whenever we are in the same room for more than five minutes, and on the rare nights where we aren’t taking each other’s clothes off, we fall asleep wrapped around each other. I would have missed out on a perfect relationship if I had judged her for a phone.
In your situation, it had nothing to do with a phone, haha. Swell on you for not judging her though.
I take it with a grain of salt because he’s a humorist, but in Dave Barry Does Japan, his wife tells him at one point, “I heard three farts today. It’s okay here.” I haven’t read that book in decades and I still remember that line because I thought, how nice to live in a place where people don’t hide basic bodily functions.
But you see, you had genders swapped here. It’s OK for a woman to show hers, just don’t show yours (/s, obviously)
/s but not really. Men aren’t supposed to have standards when it comes to women according to many women
the best move is to show your android phone in your profile pics so you don’t get trapped with someone so shallow
Holy shit I’ve got some boomer energy, here:
The reason to not take out your phone isn’t because someone might hate on your phone.
You don’t take out your phone on a date so that you can be giving that person your full attention.
There are lots of reasons for using a smartphone beyond avoiding engaging in conversation though. Looking things up, sharing contact info, planning another date, paying for the meal/event, even going to a movie can almost require an app.
I’m not saying these would be the majority of the time or anything, but not using your phone whatsoever is more of a limitation than you’d think.
Despite the boomer energy, I’m not actually one.
It’s only been 2 years since my last “first date”. I know the world moves pretty fast, but I’d be shocked to discover that in the last 24 months the world went from “can be traversed without looking at your phone” to not.
I guess I’d turn it around on you: NOT using your phone is NOT as much of a limitation as you’d think.
Also, so many stupid things we do on our phone are things that could be an interaction with your date instead. What WAS that movie with Brendan Fraser with The Rock? Where IS that restaurant with no lights and all the servers are blind? What time is it? What direction is the river from here? What nationality is Santa Claus? How far north would we have to go so that Zombies would be frozen solid for at least 3 months per year? The point of a date is to attempt to form a bond, and it’s the shared journey that gets you there, not the successful and efficient completion of independent tasks.
Obviously, if the only way to pay for the meal is to tap your phone, tap your phone. The PHONE isn’t the enemy. It’s that you’re your own enemy, and that your nervousness and awkwardness is going to try to push you into the comfort of your phone for reasons that you REALLY don’t need to be on your phone for. Embrace the awkwardness and as much as physically possible lean on your date for anything you imagine your phone can do.
Oh, I don’t disagree, people opt-out of being present in favor of their phones far too often. I’m just reminding us of the context of hiding your social, financial, and often legal, sci-fi multi-tool. Reducing usage and eliminating usage can be very different things for many people.
Let’s face it: If they were that superficial, they wouldn’t have dated me to begin with.
If they are that superficial, you dong want to date them. Use every effective “shitty person” filter you can, as quickly as you can.