I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn’t welcome in this community anymore…oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.
I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.
And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!
Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I’m not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”
My wife also didn’t want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it’s free, let’s give it a fair shake.
Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I’m writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we’ll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.
My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they’re also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they’re already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying “We’re at Senor Frogs.” I did not get “We’re going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?”
I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn’t ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother’s kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn’t feel left out. I wouldn’t have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn’t want. I wouldn’t feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.
I’m just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn’t rock because it’s on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I’m wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won’t feel ashamed of being different. I didn’t ask to be this way.
Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I’m done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We’re over the hill. We’ll be home soon, and I will never do this again.
That sounds frustrating. At least you two can say you tried.
Yeah. If there’s anything good to say about this, it’s at least that we can say for certain that this is not for us.
Is this your first cruise? Because I respect the hell out of people that try things they’re unsure of at least once.
That’s me with seafood. I’ve tried it a handful of times and have just decided that, hey, it’s expensive and I don’t enjoy it. So that’s enough for me
Yes, it is our first. This was something we’d never buy ourselves. If it’s within a 7 hours’ drive, we drive. Outside of that, put me in a 600 mile an hour soda can in the sky.
I also tried calamari on this cruise and didn’t love it. And I love fish. But not calamari. Now I know that about myself lol At least my mushroom risotto was top notch.
Man. I feel for you my friend. I also would rather do almost anything other than go on a cruise. It sounds like torture.
Good news, I think your hell trip is almost over by it being only 4 days.
I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”
“Yes, and it must really not be our thing if we are saying no to all of that.”
Sometimes you need to pick a position and dig in your heels. Even when they start pushing and you start doubting yourself you can remember that you already made your choice…but not so easy when something is just suddenly thrown at you and you don’t get an opportunity to think on it first.
A lot of the experiences you described sound a lot like stuff I deal with. Have you ever been tested for autism?
I think this just happens to be one of the things we share with neurotypical adults that have overly cheery family members.
The universal experience of “jesuuuus I said no mom, wait, why are you crying? Fineeee I’ll do it. Oh wow you stopped crying just like that.”
Edit: I refuse to call my parents “n-parents”, but that’s what I meant by overly cheery. Their happiness over yours because culture.
Have you ever been tested for autism?
Yes, 15+ years ago. The doctor said I had Asperger’s. I said bullshit, test me. Got tested. No Asperger’s. But honest to goodness, I fully believe I am on the spectrum. But I’m not going around saying I am without a proper diagnosis.
Digging in my heels is something I’m working on. I have a really hard time saying no and sticking with it because of trauma.
Why does everything on Lemmy and Reddit have to devolve into autism or depression? Dude just wants to build puzzles with his wife.
There’s a lot more there than ‘likes puzzles’. Sometimes when you have a thing or are part of a group, a lot of seemingly unrelated things start to make a pattern that others might not see. Like ‘gaydar’ or alcoholism or autism. And there is a lot of undiagnosed autism and just an enormous amount of depression in general. And also OP already affirmed what I said in this same thread a couple posts down. But I didn’t say he has autism, I asked if he’s been tested…and guess what?
So it’s possible “everything is autism and depression” includes a big dose of cognitive bias on your end.
Does the cruise ship have ice cream machines? I went on a cruise with my family as a kid down in the Caribbean and the thing I remember the most is all the free ice cream haha. There were three machines on the top deck, one in the middle and one on each end of the ship. But only one (at one end, I don’t remember which) that had strawberry.
On the last day of the cruise, my brothers and I all had an ice cream cone making competition. We all took turns trying to make our best creation with chocolate and vanilla, and then I had a brilliant idea. If I could get all THREE flavors, surely I’d win it. So I start huffin it to the machine on the other end of the ship, while trying to balance the already tall ice cream cone. I make it, and top it off with a good amount of strawberry. Now I’ve gotta make it back, time is running short for my now dripping stack of ice cream. I’m having to use my other hand to literally hold onto the foot tall tower of ice cream and I maneuver around people to make it back to my brothers.
Long story short, I fucking did it. I got all three flavors baby! No idea if that got me the win or not, but man, I’ll never forget that realization that, oh shit this might be too much ice cream and now I have to get back to the other side of the ship with it all.
Edit: but I feel you OP, the excursions onto land were pretty overwhelming. Getting onto land in Cozumel and the other places we stopped and immediately being hounded by locals trying to sell you stuff. That’s probably why I have more memories on the ship than I do from the countries we visited.
I’m also remembering the fun times playing bingo on the ship. The announcer was friggen awesome and we still quote a few lines from him to this day
