55 points
*

In the Team Fortress lore, Shakespearacles, the strongest writer to ever live, invented rocket jumping. A few centuries later, Abraham Lincoln invented stairs. He died while rocket jumping up them.

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5 points

He was also BLU team’s first Pyro

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50 points

It’s well known that ancient dwarves enjoyed the practise of banging rocks together through the shins of the elves. One day, the rocks sparked against each other and set the elf ablaze, and that is how dwarves discovered fire. They loved fire, and used it to set many, many elves ablaze.

From that day, it took 30 years to invent cooking.

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5 points

Unless you count roast elf

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3 points
*

Too lean, not enough meat. Practically counts as a vegan diet. It makes sense that a species with shit taste would taste shit.

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45 points

Dwarfish folding chairs are studded with gemstones and weigh about 500lbs.

They’re a very inventive people, but refuse to work with sheet metal.

Elves build lightweight folding chairs out of wood.

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50 points

This is a steel folding chair. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with diamonds. It menaces with spikes of pigtail cloth. On the folding chair is an image of a dwarf and dwarves. The dwarf is making a plaintive gesture.

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27 points

ImplyingImpcations felt satisfied after reading a comment

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26 points

Folding chairs do seem a bit more of a gnomish contrivance.

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21 points

Gnomes would make those folding fabric camping chairs with the cupholder in the arm

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2 points

And also electric folding lawnchairs

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5 points

Elves have fancy grass that won’t sully your clothes, and vice-versa.

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26 points
*

In my setting I dropped darkvision for dwarves because I wanted to make it scarce, but even the dwarves that don’t study light or dancing lights use their many lighting inventions that were developed for underground exploration such as flairs and glow sticks, and gas lighting for their main settlements.

I also gave them all spiderclimb just because I like the way that fucks up how they’d build those settlements as down is only a necessary direction to know when you drop something, even their tankards work at all orientations and are basically sippy cups.

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20 points

“Aye! I could drink to that!”

*bubbly sipping*

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3 points

I absolutely love this change for dwarves. May I borrow it?

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1 point

Oh yeah of course, if it’s for personal use, always take everything you like from anywhere, and if it’s for professional, I still think it’s cool to take ideas.

The only thing is that if this is for 5e, you may wanna drop something from their stats such as dwarven resilience as this trait is reasonably powerful as it’s effectively a hands free climbing speed which any marksman type character could cheese. One option is to make it the ability to cast spiderclimb at will, so it still has the limitations of requiring concentration (which is entertaining to imagine a dwarven bar brawl on the ceiling where everyone is knocking eachothers concentration out and falling to the floor, just to run back up) and it wouldn’t work in an antimagic field too.

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2 points

dwarves with flares? by the beard! ROCK AND STONE!

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19 points

Halflings definitely invented egg timers

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13 points

They were the first culture to have accurate timekeeping just for cooking.

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5 points
Deleted by creator
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3 points

They needed it, because the other half of their time is spent high, and they kept overcooking their eggs

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1 point

They invented the 12 hour clock so they could have half a day without timekeeping so they didn’t need to work and could just wake and bake.

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