There is no god and adults are assholes.
Actually as a kid I realized that what I was taught in the bible and church were metaphors and not things to be taken literally. I mean, a lot of it went against what we learned in school, and school actually made sense.
Only much later in my teens did I realize that many Christians do take the Bible literally. It was then that I decided to completely abandon my religion.
I have never understood the metaphor argument. When I was a believer I believed it all literally. If this stuff is a metaphor then what it is a metaphor for? Also if it is a metaphor how come (especially in the prophets) the Bible spends so much time listing metaphors and then explaining them? How come when the Bible self-references it treats itself literally?
Adam and Eve were the literal truth to Paul and he used it to create his theology of original sin.
Same, as a little kid I had no idea the adults actually BELIEVED what they were telling us, it just seemed like stories. I was so confused when I found out they believed it was all real. Then again when as a pre-teen I found out they thought homosexuality was against the rules - love? They thought love was wrong? I had gone to church for so long and that idea had never crossed my mind.
I remember having my first same-sex crush when I was around 11 years old. Unfortunately around 10-11 was also when I started to learn that “gay” was a slur and a shameful thing, and a bit later that it was a sin too. I would fall into deep self hate and internalised homophobia for the following 10 years…
Everyone will let you down eventually
I’m bad at decisions so I will name a few that stuck with me:
- In 5th grade I realize that lines are hypothetical and all that really exists are line segments. (My teacher basically said yes, but you’re confusing the class shut up.)
- There are lies in all truths and truths in all lies. (A mantra I had).
- The best way to get your way is to let someone else be the leader, act as the compromiser between the most disparate view points by saying you’re adding ideas of both sides, but actually give your positions and lipservice to the others, then finally make it all seem like this was literally everyone else’s idea and not yours. Ex. Working in a group project of 4 people to create a alternate energy model. A wants to make a wind turbine and it needs to be yellow. D wants solar panels made from copper. B just wants to do what’s easiest. So you suggest a crank powered flash light that uses copper wiring, because it captures A’s desire to have a kinetic energy conversion and using the copper wire shows D’s desire to prove the usefulness of copper in alternative energy designs. A and D didn’t say that’s why they wanted the designs, but by making the argument in a good light and attributing it to them it makes them much more likely to go along. I believe my 4th grade teacher saw what I was doing as she had us do a lot of group work because after a while she had me do my own thing.
that I could read people’s minds by reading the room, reading the situation, reading their mannerisms and facial expressions. I remember having this epiphany about age four.
I think it’s an ability many or most people have.
unfortunately some childhood trauma traumatized me and I lost this ability.
People who thrive in life and own companies and run businesses etc have that ability to “read people.” I wish I still had that ability.
fuck trauma.
You’re telling me if you watch any tv show on mute and no subtitles you couldn’t suss out the overall context or how people are feeling/interacting?
I call friendly bullshit ;) When you are a fly on the wall, do you feel the same way still? It takes a lot of bandwith to both socialize or scrutinize the physical cues and stuff, they are as talented and smart as fortune tellers aha
You’re telling me if you watch any tv show on mute and no subtitles you couldn’t suss out the overall context or how people are feeling/interacting?
Yup, My mind pretty much goes blank and I get depressed and I don’t understand the thrill or the point of human interaction. Same for social situations.
I mean since you brought up TV shows, I literally don’t watch TV and the first thing I thought of at your example was like some people watch reality shows like Jersey shore and real housewives, I’m a woman and I just don’t get any of that, not interested at all. just a bunch of pointless drivel, women with plastic surgery and all their drama and crying all the time, I have no idea what’s going on.
It takes a lot of bandwith to both socialize or scrutinize the physical cues and stuff
Exactly. I no longer have that bandwidth.
Yup. Hypervigilance is like a super power that you can never ever turn off. Therapy and mindfulness help tons but it can get super tiring.
The problem with mindfulness training is that it’s very easy to make it feed into the hypervigilance thing.
I’m saying this as someone who has struggled with hypervigilance and who lived in a buddhist temple for 3 years as part of my 9 years of heavy zen training. I take mindfulness training very seriously.
Doing meditation the right way, actually wrestling with attachment and practicing letting go, hypervigilance isn’t fed. But that’s advanced meditation. In the earlier stages, it can very easily be done incorrectly, and in a way that feeds the hypervigilance.
For someone with hypervigilance, I recommend chanting, walking meditation, koan training, as additions to basic focused-awareness meditation, that help break the pattern of defensive-readiness that creates hypervigilance.
And neurofeedback training is AMAZING for this. Decreasing beta wave amplitude via neurofeedback is an excellent way to see the difference between hypervigilance and non-attached awareness.
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