So normally people like me get extremely happy if you say something like ‘nice shirt’, however it got me wondering about people who receive compliments and gifts all the time, what makes y’all happy? I presume it gets kinda annoying after some time?
I was never popular at school or uni. Kids called me fat, gay, a loser, a bitch, a fat-gay-bitch loser, etc., but now I’m probably the most popular and best-liked guy at my job, I don’t mean to brag but that’s just how it is. The thing that makes me happiest is being self-employed and not having to deal with those assholes ever again.
I was never “popular” in school, but I got on pretty well with pretty much everyone. The “popular” kids were actually a pretty small, insular crowd that didn’t actually like almost anyone. I kinda figured that’s what it was like everywhere.
Try giving those compliments.
It’s not what you’re asking about but most people want that kind of attention sometimes.
I’m a middle-aged straight dude. I compliment other guys beards, hats, jackets, whatever, because we NEVER get compliments.
And it’s common to want or need feel special and noticed now and again.
It’s the stuff you remember - one guy in a work meeting saying ‘Damn that was fast’ when I came up with a good comeback, or the guy at the convenience store who went nuts when he heard my voice and realized I was the guy who had the big bushy beard (that I’d shaved the night before as a Halloween ‘costume’.)
Tbh I am kinda on the fence on this particular subject, like some sort of a compliment when I am a bit down would be nice, but the feeling of being complimented once every two/three years is so absolutely ethereal to me that I don’t wanna let it go, it’s a different kind of happiness which I don’t think I would get if I started getting compliments more regularly
But you know that is just my opinion
Right, but that’s my point - be the change you wish to see in the world.
The people you think of as popular who are complimenting people, maybe they’re only popular because they make other people feel good by acknowledging them.
Be kind. Be encouraging. Be complimentary. There’s no good reason not to be, really.
Listen to this guy. I’ve lived the shift he’s prompting you take.
It’s incredibly hard to describe. People start to see it on you I think.
From my experience it seems to be in the way I look at people differently and how my body language has shifted. I’m face-blind so it’s hard for me to say for sure but I think people can see that I’m looking for positivity and a way to compliment them or brighten their day.
And if you’re trying to get laid… Holy shit. Give a genuine thank you and compliment someone of the same sex on your dates. Show your romance for the world and not just the person across the table. It really really works.
I understand this concern. It has been a strange shift but honestly it’s wonderful. That ethereal feeling doesn’t necessarily go away but it does change a bit.
As you get better at giving compliments and lifting people up you will draw similar people to you and teach people around you to speak to you in a similar way. There’s a feedback loop that raises that ethereal feeling to something more familiar but no less effecting.
People always remember how you made them feel (both good and bad). Never underestimate that.
I don’t think I’ve ever thought about who’s “popular” at work.
I remember that being a thing in like high school, but it just doesn’t map to my experience as an adult working a full time job.
As to what makes me happy: The usual things. I get paid. I get recognition for work well done. People listen to me when I say “Don’t do that. That’s a terrible idea. I will explain why in as much detail as you need.”
I think the concept of ‘popular’ at work is a bit silly but for the sake of your question, I am and have been very well-liked at most of my jobs. People give me compliments and show their appreciation often and I usually do float on that high for a minute, but I also don’t really absorb it. I have real bad imposter syndrome and low self esteem. Those ‘popular’ people aren’t usually as high on themselves as you might think.
As for what actually makes me happy, idk maybe my cats and seeing people I care about succeed.
I’m glad you get happy when you get compliments, you deserve to feel happy. I can’t imagine ever being annoyed by compliments.
I genuinely enjoy human contact. It’s why I like working in-office rather than remote. Because I naturally enjoy being around others, I want them to be happy too.
My compliments are genuine. If you look close enough, there’s usually something you can find about a person that you can give a genuine compliment to. That fosters good will between people. The better they feel around me, the better I feel.
Compliments don’t get annoying. I love getting them, especially when I know they’re genuine. It’s why I always make sure my own compliments are genuine.
The only time it gets uncomfortable is when compliments go over the top.
