I wish fucking supermarkets would understand this. I don’t have to be told in a super loud fucking annoying voice that I need to place the object in the bagging area, or switch to the other machine to use my card. I’ve already hit the fucking button to use the cc machine, you fucking nonces! I’ve already placed the goddamn stupid fucking bananas in the stupid fucking bagging area, shut the fuck up! AAAAAH!
It’s even worse now because you used to be able to mute the mother fucker, but now they’ve disabled that option.
I usually say, “You’re welcome, creepy disembodied voice.” Sometimes the people around me chuckle. Other times they look at me like I’m crazy. Both are valid.
Sure, but that doesn’t mean they have to remove the mute button or make it so damn loud.
Granma Mabel who is 94 but still insists on buying her own groceries needs it to be that damn loud and it’s easier for the supermarkets to just make that the default option. I only defend it because it makes practical sense, I don’t like it that loud either.
But, agreed, for the love of fuck, give me the mute button. Please.
Bonus pro tip: all the annoying gas station screens that blare ads and tiktoks at you can also usually be muted. All the ones in my area have 8 unmarked soft buttons around the screen and the second one from the top on the right side is the mute button. It seems consistent across all brands of gas station with ad screens.
I’ve had good luck with Walmart self-checkouts, they seem to trust you are doing the right thing. Price Chopper stores though… my god.
“Please place the item in the bag”
“Please remove the item from the bag, and start again” (yes with the pause)
“Do you have any coupons?”
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
NO! SHUT UP!
“Do you have any items under the cart?”
That one’s actually kinda useful, TBH. I used to work as a bagger, and it’s surprising how many times shoppers forget (whether intentionally or not) they put a pack of water bottles or tissue paper or something on the bottom of the cart.
The others are just annoying, though.
Here’s a thought. You fuckers have my goddamn Kroger Plus card number, my name, address, credit card information, and a record of every last grape I’ve ever purchased in one of your stores. How 'bout, after we show up for the second or third time, you assume we might no longer need to be told to uSe piN PAd tO coMPleTe trAnsActIon?!‽ aaaaAAAHHHHHHH
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could, ‘Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.’
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ‘I can hear you.’
‘Good. Now, in a moment, I’m going to ask you to open. When you open do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
‘And I don’t want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
'And do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?"
‘I understand.’
‘OK,’ said Zaphod, tensing himself, ‘open now.’
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly through. The door closed quietly behind him.
‘Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?’ said the door out loud.
— Life, the Universe, and Everything
The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.”
— Ubik
And stop telling me my chat Gpt requests are. “inappropriate” you have no right to judge!
PSA: Users didn’t ask the “algorithm” to do any of this stuff
What you speak of is heresy brother. You know not the weakness of the flesh. The Omnissiah grants me strength and life with each step I take towards The Machine.
