Father, I cannot click the watch
Dearest birthing parent of mine, this timepiece responds not to my attempts at manipulation
To whom it may concern (the progenitor of my very existence):
The clockwork temporal measurement device strapped 'pon the writhing fleshy tentacle protruding from mine own thorax remains sullen and unchanging despite my best efforts at provocation.
Please advise.
O dear original source of half of my genetic material, including the differentiating heterotypical chromosome!
Despite my many attempts at interacting through my somatosensory system with what looked like a haptic receptor of a timekeeping mechanism attached to my sinestro-anterior limb, the visual indicator of the aforementioned radiocarpal joint-mounted machine keeping track of the flow of hours, minutes and seconds (important: please note only the latter is a SI unit) remains devoid of any hint of a reactive process consequential to my stimulus.
What the fuck.
There’s definitely value in not constantly being tethered to a device reminding you how many steps you’ve taken, e-mails, etc. Also I’m reminded me of a quote:
“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.” ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
ape-descended
It’s very popular to call humans some variant of this, and while it’s correct, it also implies that humans are no longer apes. They are.
This is true, there are two kinds of animal, monkey or ape. Because if it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey, even if it’s a monkey kinda shape. If it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey, if it doesn’t have a tail…it’s an ape!
Or at least that’s what I learned from my parents force feeding me nothing but VeggieTales for far too long.
Yup, that’s correct! Primates without tails are apes, and we’re a primate without a tail.
The dream used to be one device that does everything but I’ve backed away from that mentality hard. I even have two separate PCs now with nothing syncing between them.
Honestly over smart watches. Back to my Casio Wave Ceptor!
I would honestly enjoy a watch like that if it didn’t have 6768342 pieces of text on it. I’d rather have to read the manual and have a less cluttered looking watch. For now, I’ll stick to my automatic Seiko.
Self report for being unable to figure out how to disable notifications. My watch tells me the shit I want it to tell me.
I have 22887 unread emails
