busy week, taking a bunch of notes, not much time to talk
Update on my interview, I got the fucking job! I’ll be back in VR QA as a QA Analyst contracted at 20 hours a week with potential to go full time later in development, they’re paying about £18 ($22.72) - £20 ($25.24) an hour which is amazing as well, I can’t wait to actually have money again… I start in Mid April once I sign the contract (once they have actually written it up fully) and the NDA as well since the game is currently in development. Company seems very well managed too, I am working with two of my best friends from my old job who were absolutely lovely to work with (they actually got me the interview to begin with), so I am super excited to start mid April and to get an eye on the project we are gonna be making.
I am so fucking happy.
Been a rough week. Friend is going through a crisis and pushing everyone away. I’m simultaneously worried and mad. He kept giving reasons for being mad at us that contradicted his previous reasons, before going no contact with all of us.
I’ve checked his socials here and there to make sure he’s alive. I’m sure he’ll be back but I don’t think I can keep doing this.
My siblings have both already done the thing where they threaten to kill themselves then get mad when I take it seriously. I can’t have a third person doing that.
Sorry if that was heavy. It’s just hard because I love him but I carry all this grief from people who keep telling me they’ll die if I make a wrong move…
Last weekend I finally had my hormones in order after more than two decades of dissociation and discomfort.
It was like I woke up and the descriptions suddenly had a vividness, like someone upped the gain on my qualia. It’s hard to believe that this is what most of you feel every day. It’s such a privilege.
I just kept smelling my spices and enjoying the view outside, and the feeling of cold air on my lungs was amazing. And I could finally just feel OK and relax. The creepiest sensation was being deeply connected to my body and the fear of death it gave me. It’s visceral. How do you guys even deal with this?
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you 💕
Just vibe with how incredible it is to be you; it’s quality over quantity in my view. I deal with it by trying to be the best me I can be and celebrating the brief time I have.
Thanks a lot!
When all this stuff is sorted and straightened out I’m gonna make a move on that wood burning project we started ⭐
Welp. I got into my design program. It was roughly a 50% chance of getting in so I’m glad. It’s just bittersweet since half of my class isn’t in the BFA.
Honestly thought I’d feel more happy about it, but I guess it’s hard when you’ve exhausted yourself… So now that spring break is happening, I’m giving myself a couple days to unwind and then I’ll start moving ahead with work.
Also trying a dating app. Which sucks. We’ll see if it ends up being a good or bad thing. But for now… I don’t think I’m going to engage in it that much. Feels weird.
Work has been going okay. I’m (unfortunately) getting back into Runescape, so that’s been my main method of passing the time both in the slower parts of my shift plus my weekends. I’m getting coffee with my big sister this coming weekend and, barring any last-minute hesitation, I intend to come out to her. I don’t know how she’ll respond, but she’s always been the one person I can go to with stuff that I don’t feel comfortable talking to my parents about, so I have my fingers crossed.
Hey! I was waiting for the next weekly update thread to come up, but I think Alyaza is otherwise occupied. Things went better than I ever could have hoped. She’s completely accepting. Shoot, she might even be more excited about the whole thing than I am!
She said she’d probably have a lot of questions, which I’m obviously cool with. She loves the name I’m probably going to go with. She’s down for clothes shopping, but I’m on my own with makeup because all she’s ever used is mascara and eyeliner. What really got me was what happened the day after. We had Easter Sunday dinner at my mom’s house. She showed up after I did, and she had a bag with her that she put in my car. I opened it when I got home to find that it was full of some of her old clothes + some extra makeup supplies. I genuinely couldn’t have asked for more from her. 😭
I was too, but that’s a huge step you took and I wanted to cheer you on! I’m so glad she’s into it and so supportive, and her gesture on Easter is truly amazing and so respectful.
My wife is in the same boat, in that she really only does mascara and eyeliner, but she watches makeup tutorials from people like Trixie Mattel and practices when we don’t have anywhere to go. I’m sure some other folks will be able to point you to other good resources as well.
Anyway, YAY and CONGRATS!
