Uhhh, what the fuck?
business insider is a great place to find unhinged screeds
idk, this one doesn’t seem that unhinged in the grand scheme of things. Like obviously the behavior was unacceptable, but I think its a position many pretty reasonable people could find themselves in.
Nah this is unhinged, and deeply controlling behaviour. If someone is checking your location constantly and giving you grief for every difference in reported vs actual location, then you’re forced to give full account of your whereabouts at all times and justify your destinations.
But nobody was doing that, in this case? There was no mention of ‘giving grief’.
The husband voluntarily shared his location for practical reasons, a few times she happened to see he was stopped at a bar or a fast-food place instead of work where he claimed, and that was a weird phenomenon that impacted her trust in him. She realised she was getting too obsessed looking at his location. They later divorced for entirely unrelated reasons.
This isn’t really that wacky.
saying this was “unhinged” and “a screed” to me implies that the whole scenario, and the writer, are both in some way unreasonable and that how she reacted was completely beyond the pale.
sharing location access, though I don’t love it, has become pretty normalized.
catching your husband in an already struggling marriage in a lie would tend to make a person suspicious. you might even start keeping a closer eye out for other lies. This woman got way too invested in that, obsessed with checking it, and openly acknowledges that it was unhealthy and bad, and probably contributed to their divorce.
Bad (but relatively normal for the scenario) behavior does not an unhinged screed make
Not long ago if you left your house you were unreachable. In fact, the only way someone was reachable was if they were home or at work and had a phone there. Imagine that, just not knowing where and how people were at all times.
I did it for some time back in like 2011 or so; I used a dumbphone as a daily driver and only took calls on it and a landline in the place I was staying at the time. Nothing about my life got noticeably worse and instead I just read books a lot more. I did miss map navigation a lot, though, which lead to me begrudgingly going back to smartphones and ‘relapsing’ in a way. I don’t think we need to be that intense but I think a lot of us can massively simplify our digital presence and not miss a whole lot.
edit to say that covid also honestly complicates this a ton for me personally and a lot of the more vulnerable population since I/we pretty much only exist digitally until society collectively gets our heads out of our asses about all that…but I do still think its worth thinking about what you really need and want out of it. Even in my case I can and do unplug frequently.
yeah I’m definitely on this trajectory. switched to a linux phone that can’t really use regular apps without a big hassle, and have thought many times about going flip phone, or occasionally no phone. I think if people would actually call me I’d be fine with no phone/only a landline. Also day to day I end up just using my laptop more for things like browsing here and watching youtube… and I can’t/wouldnt ditch the laptop because of work and hobbies and such
Magnetic Ink smartphone
Keep the applications you want, in exchange for using the thing being slightly more of a pain in the ass so you use it less overall. And you can read it clearly in daylight, which is nice
I’ve never heard of this before but I like the idea. My ebook reader is e-ink and it rules.
I already switched to a linux phone. things are plenty of a pain in the ass, I’m just fantasizing about getting rid of it entirely. Not even a dumb phone
e-ink phone is also a cool idea though if only for the point of being more readable out and about in the world and kinder on my eyes at night
When I leave the house I just mute my phone and put it in my pocket - no vibration, no ringing. I think it works pretty well personally. Depending on your personality, it might also work for you, at least as an initial step.
I’m already 90% of the way there, I don’t get rings, or even push notifications, for most messages, just calls and SMS (and I don’t use SMS for anything on that number). I just want to go further and eliminate the expectation that I’ll be reachable by simply not carrying a phone. But it won’t eliminate it, the actual problem is social :(
I’m glad he divorced his paranoid stalker of a wife. He just wanted to relax and have a beer after work at the brewery without telling his wife once, and she turned it into all this nonsense. Then she stalked his location constantly and made a big deal about him getting fast food without telling her once. Imagine being trapped in a marriage with such a controlling wife that you can’t even go to McDonalds or have a beer after work without them freaking out. Nightmare scenario.
I think a deeper, core issue is being ignored. Why did he feel the need to lie to your partner about what he was doing? Why was he unable or unwilling to tell her that he’s just having a beer? Is the issue that she would unfairly demand he not do this? Or is there some legitimate reason she might object? Either of these is indicative of a need to communicate about an issue.
In a healthy relationship, you should not only feel free to do what you want, you should also feel comfortable communicating these things with your partner. If you want to do something that would make your partner flip out, either there’s something wrong with your desire or your partner’s reaction and you need to talk about it.
Everything you said makes sense, but at the same time you can acknowledge that you need to communicate better without having the conversation right then and there. Both times the dude “transgressed” he was coming home from work. Probably tired, maybe had a bad day, I can see why he didn’t want to negotiate beer or McDonalds with his wife right then and there.
Especially understandable is the beer. She admits that they had been having difficulties at home and maybe just needed some time alone to think. She knew where he was and texted him anyway.
Personally, I would’ve already had that conversation pretty much as soon as I saw the problem, before even getting to the point where you’re stopping off at McDonald’s or the bar. It’s pretty unlikely that the first time it occurs to you that your partner would be mad is when you’re opening the door to the McDonald’s.
Communicate early, communicate often.
Foucault must be bussin in his grave.
This is everyone in the suburbs. My relatives send their kids to a summer camp where the main draw is a daily proof of life and frequent check ins and having an app to monitor the kids. Look, I’m all for safety (no really I am, more on this later), but it really seems to be more about the social media aspect of it, and removing any chance for kids to disconnect from parents socially even temporarily.
I never know how to feel about it when it comes to kids because although that sounds okay in some ways with best case scenario being little benefit and worst case scenario being your kid is dead or abused like wtf you can’t trust anyone with your kids really. Like a camp where they specifically don’t want/ let kids use their phones or computers or whatever? Sorry that sounds like camp rape to me idk
It’s important to allow kids a space where they can escape existing in constant relation to their parents and under observation by them and just fuckin explore and experiment with socializing and identity. Summer camps are really good for this.
I know, but summer camps are not the only way to do that. Mostly kids just want to have their interests be supported by their parents without too much prying in my experience. Kids socialize on their own time and in their own ways. I never went to summer camp and neither did any of my friends really so we all just hung out. I do get the appeal of summer camps though and maybe my opinion would be different had I gone, but I feel like as a kid I’d rather be in the woods with my friends and a trusted chaperone than a bunch of strangers and as a parent I’d rather take my kids camping so I can keep an eye on them.
