17 points

my elbow had a small itch a moment ago, so i scratched it.

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49 points

There is an athropod that will replace a fish’s tongue.

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16 points

There’s also a woman that will replace my will to live. I call her my ex-wife.

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7 points

I know this is boomer humor but this got an audible laugh out of me.

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1 point

I feel like it would be even more boomer if it was about their wife and not their ex-wife.

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6 points

You should read the John Dies at the End series

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6 points

Or the Laundry Files series.

spoiler

There’s an eldritch cult that uses mutant cymothoans for mind control. Some of them replace other body parts instead of the tongue.

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120 points

Many people who die “of old age” have an utterly miserable time of it at the end, sometimes for months or years. Medical treatment to keep a person alive when they’ve already lost their faculties irrecoverably can be incredibly cruel.

There’s a reason that longevity research focuses on prolonging healthy life, not just prolonging life processes.

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12 points

Movies lied to me.

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16 points

There’s no such thing as dying of old age. Just dying of something where you’re old enough where people go “yeah that tracks” instead of “oh no! so young!”.

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18 points

As I get older I see more unfair aspects of the world

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3 points

My daughter used to say “that’s not fair” all the time. I would tell her “Life isn’t fair. If you expect it to be, you will only set yourself up for failure and disappointment.”

She never listened to me, though.

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36 points
*

There was once a study to test the amount of “poop particles” (feces based bacteria) on everyday objects. The study consisted of putting objects in places that would be more or less likely to have feces and a control group which was isolated from any source of feces based bacteria to the best of their ability. The microbiologists running the study were unable to tell which group was the control.

This is written to the best of my memory and some details may be wrong but the meaning is the same

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11 points

That can also mean we’re doing pretty damn well just with toilets.

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23 points

In graduate school I swabbed a public toilet seat and wiped the specimen in a Petri dish. My cohort swabbed the bottom of their shoe and did the same. The public toilet specimen grew virtually nothing. The shoe specimen grew the equivalent of a rainforest in bacteria.

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13 points

I can’t believe Americans wear shoes inside.

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26 points

You expect us to step on our bathroom carpet in our bare feet?

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9 points

Some do. Most don’t (in my experience).

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-2 points

“No shirt, no shoes, no service”. You get kicked out of most places if you don’t have shoes.

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2 points

Me neither it weirds me out when people do this

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1 point

Americans also don’t eat off the floor.

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3 points

Toilet seats are naturally smooth and bacteria have a hard time staying on the surface. Most public toilet seats have an additional antimicrobial coating.

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