Yeah, for the most part. I’m working towards my dreams and they feel within reach even though I know the path there is both long and arduous. It will require a lot of me, but that is more due to what my dreams are than any circumstances around me.

How it happened is of course a hard question to answer. In some ways, perhaps many ways, dumb luck, I met my wife in an unlikely place and she has built me up brick by brick over many years by now. Without her it’s hard to imagine I’d, we’d, be in such a good place all around.

But that isn’t really helpful, focusing on the parts I had no and have no control over. If we instead look only on my actions I think there are a few but more importantly a few key insights that helped me:

Actions:

• Fake it till you make it. Confidence is all important in our society, if you don’t have it naturally then you need to fake it. Over time it becomes second nature.

• Take care of yourself, first. Like they say in the preflight security rundown, put on your own mask first before you attempt to help others.

• Take responsibility for your own well being. Related to the one above but this is more on the emotional level, while external factors will of course impact your well being you don’t have direct control over them. You can’t expect anyone else you make you feel good/well so you need to shoulder that burden.

Insights:

• You rely on society and it relies on you: while work sucks and is often times completely meaningless and seemingly detrimental to the world from a long term macro perspective it’s still the case that your dream life involves amenities and comforts that require people to work. And you can’t expect that of others unless you yourself put in the same effort.

• You aren’t in control and you never truly will be: while this might be a hard pill to swallow you need to make peace with the fact that you could get cancer the day you reach your ultimate goal and that’s just part of this reality. You can only impact your actions and improve your chances, you can’t guarantee shit. Celebrate your victories no matter the source of them and learn from your own mistakes but don’t let external circumstances crush you.

• Life just isn’t far: relates to the above. Some people smoke and drink and do copious amounts of drugs are still wildly successful and rich and live to 100. Some work their asses off, are the nicest people ever, live clean and healthy and then die in cancer in their 30s with two young children left behind. Dwelling on this solves nothing. It’s just a part of our reality and isn’t really meaningfully changed or impacted by politics.

Those are my two cents

EDIT:

Hmm, I skipped something that might be super obvious but I shouldn’t assume:

Action:

• Smile and the world smiles at you: not in the sense that you’re guaranteed or owed a smile but rather that being kind and putting out good vibes makes life smoother and happier for us all. This is not to say that we should accept bad things of course, but make sure to reduce the collateral damage of your negative emotions and feelings, think surgical strike on a specific, deserving, target and not carpet bombing everything and everyone.

• You need friends, or at the very least someone to talk to: Ties in to the above in that if you don’t dump your negative emotions on the world then we’re do you dump it? Because carrying that shit around or just eating the bad emotions yourself is not a viable approach. No, you need to have people to vent to/with. Be that your partner, friends, family or a professional. This goes for all bullshit like getting sick and missing an event you’ve looked forward to and had tickets to for months. Or being passed up for a promotion in favor of Kenny who by all metrics does a worse job than you. You need to vent that shit out because being in a shitty mood and making everyone else uncomfortable is not going to make your life any better or happier.

Yep. I didn’t feel this way for a long time, then realised it was because I was married to the wrong woman. She was heavily influencing the sort of man I was outwardly portraying, and it always felt like I was wearing a badly-made suit.

After the end of that marriage, I met my soul mate, and now have two wonderful stepkids and an incredible daughter. We’ve now been together for a little over 11 years, and I’m still amazed at how lucky I am. My family gives me purpose and meaning, every day.

After that, nothing else matters.

I think I’m on my way to happiness.

I finally left my abusive wife this week. It was really scary, and she keeps sending me threats (to take me for child support and ruin my life) but I was able to get ahold if a crisis center for abused people, thankfully they have support for men. The crisis center is going to help me tackle all the debt she’s put me in and get me into an apartment that will have room for me and my kids!

Yesterday for the first time in 14 years, I was completely free. I just drove around town. I went and got an ice cream cone, and I got a Mexican Pizza from taco bell, and nobody insulted me, put me down, or made me feel worthless. I got a glimpse of me and I really miss that guy. I used to have the nick name smiley because I always walked around with a shit eating grin on my face because I love life and I love my job, but she’s worn away at me lately.

I might be homeless technically, but I have a safe space until I can get on my feet. I get my kids tonight, we’re going to have a pizza party and play Mario Kart together. I think everything is going to be fine soon…

No. Money is why, and a work situation. Also never ever get married if you have even the slightest red flag about them. It’s not worth it.

I know I’m a generous person at heart but I get so few opportunities to show it because of money. It’s infuriating.

Absolutely not, no. How should this be possible with all the external responsibilities that need to be fulfilled in order to survive in a modern-day society?