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33 points

If I didn’t have reason to reject discovery before, now i really do.

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20 points

There was a reference in Discovery season one or two to SQL, as if it was cool. Sigh.

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3 points

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1 point
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55 points
*

Lisp. All is Lisp.

Data’s entire consciousness was written as an Emacs package.

Klingons program in Brainfuck. A Warrior’s Language!

Vulcans exclusively use APL.

The F in Ferengi stands for Fortran.

Python is banned across the known galaxy. If your race is discovered using it, your planet is immediately bombarded until the entire crust is molten.

Cardassians use Haskell because they’re evil.

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42 points

You missed out Q Basic.

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17 points

Holy shit you win, lol

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8 points

That’s what the Pakled use. The best of them actually use QuickBasic to “make it go faster”.

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19 points

The F in Ferengi stands for Fortran.

If Ferengi were to use a language that old, you’d think it would be the COmmon Business-Oriented Language.

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6 points
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16 points

Just to add - obviously all Ferengi programs run on a Blockchain, and are riddled with microtransactions.

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9 points

I’ll just add that Data was previously built as a Vi plugin, but it was evil, so Doctor Soong disassembled it and shut it down. A lot of trouble could have been saved it Dr Soong had learned how to actually exit Vi.

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3 points

Evil as in emacs evil-mode?

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6 points

Pakleds use scratch

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2 points

Are you sure? They might have learned something then. Or did they get stuck with a turtle-logic compiler instead?

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2 points

PHP was invented by a Pakled

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5 points

Hahaha, why no python?

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17 points

The reason has been purged, intentionally forgotten. Vulcans train their entire lives to take on a dangerous task: once every 66 years, the very best of the best view the reason why Python is banned. Once viewed, the Vulcan confirms that it is indeed a just and necessary action to ban the ancient language.

After the task is complete, the Vulcan goes utterly, irretrievably insane and dies mere hours later.

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9 points
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5 points

The Q continum uses forth.

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3 points

@bloopernova Wouldn’t the Vulcans prefer Prolog?

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3 points
1 point

What about php

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43 points

C. It is eternal.

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35 points
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9 points

Yeah, my C programs too tend to randomly evolve sentience.

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4 points
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8 points

Three centuries later, they still haven’t rewritten everything in Rust.

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4 points

SMH should have rewritten in Rust

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1 point
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4 points

In such a case, I suspect that Zig will be absorbed by C using a maneuver that I call “The Zig Zag”. After all, C is eternal.

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2 points
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28 points

Have you seen how people do programming? We see lots of it in Voyager around holograms. It’s basically today’s AI programming assistants on steroids. everything probably uses some fucking 300 years JavaScript as a basis, and that’s why everything keeps breaking all the time.

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23 points

I really want to see an episode of Lower Decks where the captain watches engineers write programs, comes to the conclusion that “programming is just talking to the computer – I can do that” and fires all the engineers (or transfers them to other functions.)

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8 points

Thanks, I read it in Freeman’s voice.

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12 points

Yeah they just tell the computer what they want. They’re prompt engineers hundreds of years in the future. Programming, replicator, holodeck, lights in the quarters, whatever. Makes you wonder what all the button pushing is on the bridge. Maybe because it’s quieter than everyone talking over each other?

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10 points

Thank you for plausibly explaining every holodeck episode. That’s canon for me now.

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2 points

This is simply too good…

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2 points

One million lines of BASIC!

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1 point

Unstructured Basic (with no documentation naturally.)

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25 points

Binary

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