Various reasons over the years:
- Don’t want to risk making the workplace unpleasant (twice)
- Wrong race that would upset my parents (twice)
- Lives too far away (twice)
- Age gap (once)
- Me being exposed to porn at a very young age (first time I was 3 or 4, and I grew up with unsupervised internet access) gave me a completely broken sexuality and I don’t want to bring other people into this mess
- Feeling inadequate, ugly or uninteresting (I used to be very fat so you can imagine how I grew up)
- Feeling that my interest in the other person is not genuine and that I only see her as a sexual object
In the end, I’m 32 and single, my friends are getting married and starting their own families and I have this dreadful feeling that I missed out on something important in life, I drown this feeling in work, video games and all sorts of projects, but when I’m alone and I can’t think of anything to do and I start thinking about the future, I want to kill myself.
Wrong race that would upset my parents
Your parents aren’t going to date your partner, so their opinions on her race mean absolutely nothing. It’s like going to a restaurant with a friend and they tell you you can’t order salmon because they don’t like it. It’s not their food, so what they say doesn’t matter since they’re not eating it.
Feeling that my interest in the other person is not genuine and that I only see her as a sexual object
This felt a little too real to read. I know that feeling, and it’s not nice. I got no advice here, just letting you know you’re not alone in feeling it.
I have this dreadful feeling that I missed out on something important in life
The best part about life is that you get to define what’s important to you. Some people may find meaning in having a family, but it’s not the only objective way of finding meaning/purpose. You could find joy in creating things, exploring the world, even just working. There’s no secret formula or shortcut to finding it, and there’s definitely no hard rules about what it can be. I hope this helps you feel better.
Your parents aren’t going to date your partner, so their opinions on her race mean absolutely nothing
Thank you. I am Filipino and have experienced racism my entire life living in the US and growing up in the south. I wasn’t sure what to say but when I see comments like not dating someone of a specific race - obviously its enraging.
You’re completely right. Her race does not matter and parents get no say in who you date as an adult.
I’m 37 and am just now starting to have some of the best sex of my life. Still single, but feeling more and more confident in myself and seeing major changes in how I approach my own sexuality, what a relationship is, and what I would want out of one.
Therapy was paramount.
There is no shame in getting help for yourself. Get the help you need and take time doing it. Confidence adds to sexiness.
We were both married and I was genuinely worried she might feel the same way.
Why ruin four people’s live on an indulgence?
Crippling self doubt, what else?
She trusted me as a friend and really loved the asshole. I knew him a lot longer than she did and really couldn’t stand the guy, and I don’t think he liked me either, but she didn’t know that. I was dating someone else too, but my gf didn’t compare to her.
Funny thing is she’d tell me about their arguments and disputes and 90% of the time, she was in the wrong and I’d tell her that. I couldn’t believe I was defending him but I was honest and she appreciated my sharing a dude’s perspective. He followed her to college, and I don’t think he’d have even went if not for her, and they got married after. Still married now 30+ years later. I can only believe he grew into a much better man than he seemed to be as a kid, and I’m glad I didn’t interfere with their relationship. I eventually found my soul-mate and best friend so wouldn’t change a thing, but I can’t help but wonder how things might have played out in some alternate universe.
If it helps, I saw you arguing with her in that universe because of how you made the morning coffee too strong again after married for 7 years. The feelings between you guys were genuine and passionate but for many times you called me up late at night for a quick beer, complaining how things would have been different.
I’m glad to see you in a better place in this universe. Cherish what you have now, bro.
Lol… no worries. I have no doubt I’m with the woman I was made for. 14 years of marriage and we’ve never even had a harsh word between us and we love each other’s company. It’s a rare match and both of us, having been in bad marriages the first time around, know just how fortunate we are to have found each other. As I said, I wouldn’t go back in time and change a thing.
Besides, my wife and I both know there’s no such thing as coffee that’s too strong. It’d be a fight every morning! 🙂
Cause I was the gender they weren’t into (repeat x30).
Two people with the same sexuality and preferences just understand each other the best, don’t they
