Before I wanted them to have a phone, I got a second d phone. It was my phone, not my kids phone. I would let my child take it when they went for a ride, or stayed over with a friend, or whatever. But it was my phone. If I had to take it off them, I wasn’t taking their phone, I was taking my phone. The difference is important. It also gave them a chance to learn appropriate use, and normalised me being in control of it. By age 10-11 the phone was basically theirs, in their hands, but the control is still mine. So my advice is don’t give the phone to your child, especially it as a present. It’s more difficult to take something of theirs away, but if they borrow something of yours, it’s much easier.
This is the way to go. I don’t have kids, but it’s how my sisters went about it. For the longest time if my nephew wanted to call and talk to me, the number would ring up as my sister’s number, because not only was it a spare phone, but it was dually connected with her number (not sure how tbh, she worked for a carrier for a long time).
It’s just hard to find that thin line between allowing them to have something or have them be behind all their friends who do have access to one.
My policy would probably be worse, tbh. I’d toss them an old Nokia and be like, “Legends say it’ll take the force of an 18 wheeler and a flood and still work.” For context, I had a friend who ran his over 3 times with his dad’s mack truck, reducing it to just a screen and PCB which he used as his phone at school. Then I watched him accidentally drop and fully submerge said screen and PCB into a half foot deep puddle while we ran down a mountain in a thunderstorm and that sucker still worked.
It was his experiment, to keep trying to destroy it to the point where he couldn’t use it but have to use it if it did. I think it died not too long after, though.
Yeah! How dare someone without a child share their opinion and relevant life experiences. That dick should know we don’t care for his type here!
/s in case it’s needed
None taken, friend. I understand that, but I still think about these things a lot. I’m still young enough where I could have a happy accident, even if we’re not trying. My mind is always on how to be a good father if it did.
Best answer yet. Plus, you can sneak on then when in doubt with FindMyPhone or something. Thank you.
No, that is bullshit. If you don’t trust them or if they can’t be trusted don’t give them a phone. Nanny parenting, or pretending you’re the NSA is unhealthy for their development, and gives you an illusion of control of their life that is inaccurate and misleading.
Talk to your fucking kid about your worries or their behavior and/or parent them, actually drive behavioral change, but don’t bitch out and not parent and pretend the E-leash is helping them or you.
You can do this, but I’ll warn you that my mother did this and it destroyed all trust in our relationship. Seriously, not for a week, or a month, it has been 20 years and the trust is still ruined. I didn’t even drink or smoke or anything, I’m still angry at her for snooping on me, not trusting me.
She has never apologized or felt any remorse for tracking me. All she had to do was ask where I was and I would have told her. You do this, understand how your child will react.
We just did this a month or so ago. My wife’s old Pixel 4a got a data-only SIM, and we locked it down extensively with a profile for each of the older kids (9 and 7). Websites and apps are allow-only. They can call or text us through Google Chat, and we also allow Pokemon Go and a couple of other things. We call it the “Family Phone,” and they don’t have unlimited access to it, but it’s handy to have something to hand them when they leave the house without us.
Honestly, if I can afford it I’m getting it to them whenever other parents are getting it to their kids.
There were plenty of parents who held off on getting things like TV, the Internet, and it had no pronounced effect.
My buddy just had a kid and proudly said “they’re never getting a smartphone.” And I was like “dude you slept over my house to watch porn because you didn’t have Internet in the 90s. You do you, but like… Idk. That won’t go the way you think it will.”
Are you sure it didn’t have any effect? I have seen some kids who wouldn’t put their phone away when they are walking, when they are talking to others , etc. Their attention span is so low they cant even concentrate.
Also the dangers of the internet and what stuff you can find. I will give them a phone when they are old enough to understand that. Maybe 15 -16
Yes, I’m sure. This is a tale as old as time.
Same was said of newspapers. Same was said of television. Same was said of videogames. Same was said of the internet.
Humans get new tool. Old people who grew up without tool look down on young for overusing tool.
I mean sometimes it has /some/ effect. I’m in my late 20s, so was a kid somewhat recently. We grew up without television. We had movies, and we had the Internet, but no TV. My dad didn’t want us mindlessly wasting time on stuff we weren’t even interested in just because it was what was “on right now.” Not to mention the accumulative hours of watching ads.
We all ended up more creative and artistic than our peers, and my relationships with my siblings are stronger than those of my friends. We read a lot (though people I knew with TV also often read a lot so I don’t think that’s necessarily a given, though I know I myself would not have been regularly reading a book a day in middle school if TV had been an option)
I’m just saying limiting time wasted on media is often net positive.
Unrelated to the question but can we please drop the Reddit habit of adding “of Lemmy” to the question? You’re asking Lemmy, no need to add it to every question.
No ill will to OP!
My kids are grown now so my comment probably isn’t all that relevant anymore, but I don’t think there should be a set age to give your kid a smart phone. Different kids mature and learn at different ages, even ones from the same household.
For my kids, I got them their first phones in their early teens but those phones were somewhat restricted so that we could still communicate easily but we knew they couldn’t get into too much trouble with them. As time progressed the restrictions slowly lifted as we knew we could trust them more to not get into trouble with them.
I’ve always believed it’s not a parents duty to protect their child from the world as much as it is to prepare them for it. Of course kids are going to make stupid decisions if you let them go too far (we all have) so I think it’s more about slowly easing them into things and helping them make the right decisions the best we can.
Exactly. You can’t just say that X age is too young to get a phone, because age doesn’t determine the kid’s level of resposibility or their ability to practice healthy phone usage and internet safety. And also some kids simply need a phone more than others.
3 kids. 13, 11 and 11 now. 10 years old was what my ex and I did with data plans coming a year after that.
Phone is like any other tool. It is my job as a parent to teach my children the proper way to use it.
