Guy looks completely normal.
Honestly, most “ugly” people can be reasonably attractive if they get in shape, eat healthily (especially in a way that clears up their skin) and style themselves (clothes, hair, etc) in a way that suits them. Plus finding good angles and lighting for photos/videos, and building up some confidence and charisma for in-person interactions. Those things aren’t necessarily easy and they take patience and commitment, but most people can easily go up a few points on an attractiveness/10 scale if they manage them.
Doesn’t always work. Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
Doesn’t always work.
It doesn’t guarantee people are going to look at you and think you’re a 10/10 because some features are out your control, but the difference between being overweight, poorly-dressed with bad skin, bad hair, etc, and being athletic/toned and well-groomed is huge. And while they might seem like superficial things that you feel you shouldn’t have to do for someone to like you, they also boost your confidence which tends to make you more attractive as a personality, too.
Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
This can definitely take a little while to change your mindset on, but the big thing is just realising that no-one actually cares.
- people are there to work out, not to judge others;
- how much do you judge other people in the gym? Very little, I’d assume;
- even if someone is judging you: so what? Does it actually matter what a stranger who you’ll likely never even see again thinks? You’re there to improve yourself, not to worry about their thoughts;
- if someone actually comments to you, you can turn it into a positive thing. Tall them you’re new to the gym and would welcome pointers. Most people who’ll talk to you in the gym are just going to be asking “how long are you going to be using that?” or something similar, though;
- there’s a pretty low chance someone will actually be rude to you, because most people are well aware that everyone starts somewhere, and that if you’re overweight/unfit then being in the gym is you already taking steps to fix that.
And most of those points apply to a lot of things in life - it’s very liberating when you realise that most people don’t really care about what you’re doing and that you should just do what makes you happy.
If it helps, you can also do some research before using the gym so you’re confident about how to use the machines and equipment. It removes that “what if I’m using it wrong and everything thinks I look like an idiot?” aspect for you to worry about.
And if you’re just worried about people judging your weight/fitness, you can exercise outside of the gym. Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, step-ups, etc, are all free and things you can do at home. You can probably find somewhere quiet to go for a run - especially early morning or late evening. Dumbbells are fairly cheap (relative to a gym membership for any extended period of time) and don’t take up much storage space at home; they be used for their own exercises and to enhance other exercises (just adding more weight to your squats, for instance). Resistance bands are another low-cost, low-space option.
So you can either start off exercising at home until you’re comfortable enough to step into a gym, or just keep working out at home and gradually expand your equipment as you see fit. Obviously some of the larger, more expensive machines you find in gyms have their uses - some of them ensure you’re doing the exercise in a healthy way, some of them allow you to work out multiple muscle groups at once that would otherwise be difficult (like the rowing machine), and some of them let you target specific muscles in specific ways - but the things I mentioned above can take you a long way.
The two most important things are just being consistent (so try to get into a routine) and making sure you’re doing it for yourself. Obviously we’re talking about it from a perspective of people finding you more attractive if you’re in good shape, but more important than that is doing it because you want to be happy and healthy - if you can become happy and healthy in yourself then other people finding you attractive will follow eventually.
Anyway, this turned into a bit of an essay but hopefully something I’ve said here has been helpful for you!
Most people do, they are just comparing themselves with models, celebs or influencers, people that earn a living out of being pretty.
I think if he had gotten braces for his overbite and a nicer pair of glasses before that pic on the left, there wouldnt be anything to really point out at all yeah.
If I were him I would want to lose the mullet too, but he still looks better with it than I do with my bald spot.
There’s a Reddit community I used to visit now and then that was for ugly people. It was so toxic and hateful. These people literally believe that they can never be happy or have a relationship because they think they’re ugly - it’s their entire identity. I worry that many outcasts fall into this trap during their formative years and it warps their view of the world like the gentleman in the video.
I think that once they get out into the real world, most folks find that looks don’t matter as much as lifestyle, personality, and compatible morals.
I didn’t think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
I also noticed how “pretty” people didn’t have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I’d never be treated the same way as a “pretty” person would.
It’s one of the ugly truths of human existence, that most people won’t admit.
“Looks” absolutely play a large role in inter-human relationships. But since it carries a lot of unpleasant things most people don’t want to admit, they either ignore it, or outright lie about it to make themselves feel better.
The research has been done “pretty” people earn more, get more promotions, and are generally more successful at life.
Not to say your life is over if you’re not pretty. But there is a clear advantage.
The thing to focus on is that there are many different kinds of people in the world. I grew up with a disability, and it didn’t take me long to figure out that there are people you’ll meet who just hate you for not being what they consider to be “normal.” There’s nothing you can do - they’re just going to hate you. But, I eventually found that there are also people who would never dream of doing such a thing, and will treat you neutrally until they get to know you, and will treat you well after that if you treat them well.
Yes, the assholes of the world will always be there, and they’ll make you feel like shit, but the more you can dismiss them as simply being judgemental assholes who know nothing about you, the more you’ll be able to see all the people who will treat you fairly. Sure, if you’ve got a terrible personality, then even those people will want to have nothing to do with you, but if you control the things you can control, there are a lot of people in the world who will see that and think well of you for it.
I had similar experiences in my youth and it definitely warped my perception of self-worth. It took a long time to overcome.
I didn’t think I was ugly because I thought I was ugly. I thought I was ugly because no one wanted anything to do with me for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
I don’t want to offend you or anyone in any way, I just wonder if it could have been a case of neurodiversity (you being neurodivergent in a way socializing didn’t come as natural as for others).
In my case, I understood my own differences a little late. I was rejected a couple of times because I was apparently showing-off. I connected the dots years later: I was being too effusive and intense, which was read as arrogance or cockiness.
A friend of mine struggled with his autism. People during his school years thought he was grumpy (or worse), when in reality he was having a hard time coping with external stimuli and information.
People can see something is different, but many (even as adults) are not kind about the explanation. Instead of thinking that you are a shy person (or whatever trait they are judging), they might think you think you’re better than them or whatever.
It’s funny how many people default for an option in which the “weird” person is a bad person somehow, but there’s probably some evolutionary adaptations to partially blame…
I also noticed how “pretty” people didn’t have anywhere near as hard of a time socializing as I did. They were allowed to have bad personalities. Even if I was as kind and helpful as I could possibly be I’d never be treated the same way as a “pretty” person would.
Same as my last paragraph. It’s human nature to make judgments based on taste, on personal preferences, etc. “Pretty privilege” is real, and we should outgrow it, but… yeah. It even affects people deemed attractive as they cannot trust the same, they cannot escape things like comparisons, etc. Let’s not talk about the bullying for the other side. It’s vicious.
I hope you’re okay after that experience.
Instead of thinking that you are a shy person (or whatever trait they are judging), they might think you think you’re better than them or whatever.
I remember in high school overhearing a classmate say something about a classmate who happened to not be present that day. It was something along the lines of
“he doesn’t really talk much though, he seems stuck up”
Hearing that honestly rocked me, I’d never even considered that line of reasoning before. He wasn’t talking about me, but I was pretty shy too (well, socially anxious) - I’m almost certain he thought the same about me, or even said it aloud when I wasn’t around. I immediately thought “Does everyone else see me the same way? Do I appear stuck up and unapproachable?” Anyway, I haven’t seen that dude in years, don’t even remember his name, but I never forgot that line.
When I was young, I wanted to think of women in a way that I could look beyond typical attractiveness. I made a point to find something about everyone. It soon became apparent that everyone is beautiful in a way. Sometimes it’s not a facial feature but there’s always something. And I started to find a lot of women sexy even if I wasn’t really sexually attracted to them. As life has gone on, it’s been interesting to me how someone that might not be very pretty becomes hot as all be because of their talent or skills.
I always thought I was ugly but women always found me attractive. It was a hard thing to accept.
Yeah. Eliot Rodgers was a prime example.
Honestly I looked weird mid puberty and it took me a long time to learn I’m fairly attractive. I’m not like supermodel hot or anything but it’s fair to say I’m pretty in buffalo. You can always find flaws in the mirror, the people on tv do every day. I choose not to. My wife doesn’t mind them, my girlfriend doesn’t mind them either, and neither do the women I do casual stuff with. I get a lot more benefit from doing other things with my mental energy.
I mean the guy isn’t ugly, he just has the dumbest haircut I’ve ever seen
Yeah he just wasn’t trying. A little facial hair, better haircut, a good shower, nothing wrong there
Moral of the story: If you are ugly and there’s a youtube comments chance to get laid, you take it(even if they have a furry profile photo.)
I used to work with two guys I called “Tall Todd” and “Tall Paul”. Both were really smart and part of our IT department. Both in shape-ish, skinny, very tall.
Paul was conventionally hot - his side job was modeling, he made money at it and I did once unexpectedly see him on a national advertisement. Hot, you understand? He was nice, friendly, I wasn’t attracted to him but could see he was physically really good looking, and was outgoing and pleasant, creative guy, good Halloween costumes.
Tall Todd wasn’t good looking like that, and had the additional baggage of being named Todd, but had this way of existing in the world that was just so comfortable and made you feel comfortable. I think when people say confidence this is what they mean - not cockiness but this self acceptance. He was just so attractive without being physically attractive - he wasn’t ugly exactly but unremarkable in looks. But goodness he was attractive in real life. Magnetic.
I do not know how people get that sort of confidence but it’s not by being really good looking.
Being tall is like 75% of being physically attractive according to most surveys.
If you’re over 6’ the “how tall are you” is either the first or second question on every date along with “what do you do for work”
It’s kinda sad how predictable we can be as animals
It’s interesting how bad I’m getting downvoted…
It is acceptable to say rich people, white people, men have a natural advantage.
But saying pretty people also have an advantage is horrible…
Lol
I had a friend in college like Todd. Weird looking dude, but every time you talked to him you just felt good. He was fun to talk to and interesting but a good listener too. You were just happy to have spent time talking to him. Now I’m not into guys so I can’t say subjectively if that made him attractive, but based on what I’d heard he had all the men and women he wanted throwing themselves at him, and I believe it.
And for the people saying your friend was leaning on height, this guy was about the height of the average woman and hung out with a lady over 6’
They were tall, and I’m not disputing the whole “attractive people are more attractive” idea. I don’t think that comfortable - confidence vibe comes from looks, you can be good looking and very insecure about your looks, uncomfortable because everyone is looking at you, and I’m sure Tall Paul was comfortable enough with his looks to make money off them but didn’t have it.
People absolutely get that kind of confidence by being really good looking…
What you found was an outlier, a unicorn. It happens but that in no way changes reality.
You can also get that kind of confidence by not worrying about where you fall on the attractiveness scale. I like to think I’m that way. If I wanted to I could definitely pick out things that might make me ugly, but I don’t worry about it. I care more about the interactions I have with people than I do about how I physically look. The only things about my appearance that give me a degree of confidence are just things that amuse me, like that I always wear the same color scheme or that my normal and facial hair differ in color and texture.
I can think of at least two of my friends who also share the quality of being comfortable and self accepting despite not being physically attractive, and I really enjoy being friends with them.
TWO WHOLE FRIENDS! Stop the presses!
The research has been done on this. The undeniable fact is “pretty” people have a clear advantage in life.
I know that may make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the truth. The same as being poor is a disadvantage so is being ugly.
Just like someone who grows up poor can overcome it, so can ugly people. But that doesn’t mean the disadvantage isn’t there…
You get that kind of confidence by not giving a shit about what other people think in terms of your physical attractiveness. I don’t think I’m especially good looking. I also couldn’t give less of a shit. Which is why I have the confidence to have the facial hair of a 19th century president. Because a mutton chops beard is fucking awesome. I’m married, but I wouldn’t even care if I was single. I’m keeping my mutton chops.
I wish this kind of attitude is acceptable in my country. Over here, even something like this is enough to make you weirdo and quickly alienate you.
Absolutely, I said it gives a natural advantage, it is more like getting a good starting hand in cards. It doesn’t mean you automatically win. Or loose if you get a 4,5…
Too many in this thread are for a variety of reasons taking my statement to mean “OMG if you’re not pretty you’re doomed”
You do understand what an outlier is? Did you not take basic math in high school?
I mean damn, I know this is the Internet, but I thought Lemmy users could understand basic statistics…
You also feel that because one person won the lottery every can/should?
Being ugly is a disadvantage, like other disadvantages (poor, stupid,etc) it can be overcome. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is one.
