167 points

Slurring words and struggling to gain crowd enthusiasm sounds like a regular night out for me.

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104 points

But are you a treasonous Russian puppet child rapist tax evading draft dodger?

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45 points

No, I’m just not a particularly engaging speaker I would imagine but I think the similarities end there.

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35 points

Well, you’ve got my vote

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25 points

Well that’s ok then

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3 points

Violating the law as no one, but I haven’t heard about child rapist before?

I mean it wouldn’t astound me but truth be honored. Plz :-)

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22 points

Katie Johnson is the pseudonym of the woman who claims to have been raped by Donald Trump at an Epstein party in 1994 when she was 13. She has brought a lawsuit against Trump, I believe, twice, the last time in 2016. She dropped the suit both times because of threats against her life.

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113 points

Yeah, uh-huh. Let me know when he has a stroke. Anything short of that and the right won’t even acknowledge that it happened. Even then they’ll say it was a liberal conspiracy to poison him.

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132 points

He’s had a series of mini-strokes though. We know it because he tweeted that he didn’t have them.

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34 points

This reminds me of how when COVID was starting to hit the news I wasn’t at all nervous about it until he got on and said we had no reason to be nervous about it

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18 points

“It’ll be gone by Easter”

Cue me, moving to the woods

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33 points

This is 100% true and it’s so funny that I just want to cry in a corner.

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8 points

Same. Goddamn that was so spot on.

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1 point
Deleted by creator
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27 points

They would still vote for him and say it’s a conspiracy as he’s not really dead. He’s just chilling with Elvis in a CIA bunker or something.

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16 points

That’s fine, they can all vote for a corpse that can’t hold office.

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10 points

hanging out with jfk waiting to just come back

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15 points

Hey - hey member that time when the Qanuts all went down to Dealy Plaza to watch JFK Jr. appear back in the land of the living so he could run as VP for trump? Member?

Oh man. Such incredible dipshits. Look! Look!

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2 points
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There would be a group that says he’s not dead, a group that says he is dead and coming back, and a group that says he’s been reincarnated.

And then, in the far future, scientists will wonder why we switch from a lowercase t to an uppercase T.

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94 points

Per Trump, “great legal experts,” including Sean Hannity and Mark Levin, believed there was no case.

Today I was absolutely shocked to learn that Sean Hannity and Mark Levin are great legal experts.

And [the hush money jury] is in about a 95 percent Democrat area,

Pro tip: if you don’t want to be tried by a jury from a mostly-Democratic area, don’t commit crimes in New York City.

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42 points

This dude lived most of his life on Manhattan. He has multiple properties there. Those people know him best and are the best judges of guilt in his trial.

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14 points

NYC has all the judges. Good judges. Great judges. The best judges in the world, I tell ya. Not like those judges from a shit hole county. And I have great attorneys. The best. They could be better, but the best attorneys that do as I tell em.

Make attorneys great again!

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14 points

MAGA = Making Attorneys Get Attorneys

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21 points

Pro pro-trip. If you have something to hide don’t run as president. If he just remained a private citizen this wouldn’t be happening to him right now

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6 points

There was a theory that he was intentionally TRYING to lose the election, that the whole thing was a publicity stunt for his (canceled due to him becoming President) then not-quite-upcoming “Trump TV” venture (Which was basically Fox News starring Trump)

He looks genuinely surprised and upset that he won in the pics showing his reaction, and so did Ivanka.

I can totally buy that his plan was to win the primary, lose the general, and sell not him as a president, but the fantasy of the White Utopia he’d create if he was President… and the conspiracy theories that Hilary won by cheating…

But then he fucked up when the plan went horribly right and he became the President for realsies.

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16 points

Today I was absolutely shocked to learn that Sean Hannity and Mark Levin are great legal experts.

Anyone can be a great legal expert if you’re stupid enough.

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64 points

Imagine if Trump gets reelected, and H5N1 becomes a pandemic.

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30 points

I’d rather be imaging trump getting eaten by ticks

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8 points
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5 points
Removed by mod
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5 points

That’s a big waste of energy. Drop him in a volcano or something instead and send a scientific probe to the sun.

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0 points

Prison, dying in obscurity while watching everything he has ever done be unmade.

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2 points

Euthanasia by Bedbugs

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25 points
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17 points

There is a certain segment of society that thinks every natural event is a “sign from (their) god”.

I do wonder how many of the same people that kept mindlessly repeating phrases like “gain of function! gain of function!” like good little parrots were ALSO saying the pandemic was a “sign from god”, though… 😂

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7 points

Wonder about the natural world is nice, but I’ve definitely seen people take it too far. One comment on here talked about how they saw miracles every day. Like they were hungry and found $20 in their jacket pocket. Or they were cold and the sun came out.

That’s not a miracle. It’s just coincidence. You can’t say that everything is meaningful or nothing is.

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2 points

well the problem is they always see it as a sign they’re right. Even when its like a tree falling on them. Never is the “sign from god” a message to the viewer a sign to stop being an asshole

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4 points

If it was the other way around Trump would most definitely use it to rally his troops. “see what God visited on the Earth when the democrats were in power?” Or something like that

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16 points

H5N1 is almost certainly going to become a pandemic no matter who wins.

And the majority GOP House (plus a likely Senate takeover) will do the same exact thing they did in 2019 when COVID hit: Blame foreigners, persecute physicians, peddle phony cures, and deny its even happening all at once.

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-1 points
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6 points

Yes, a very scary crisis under this asshat is what truly scares me (and that’s assuming he doesn’t just go for broke on being a dictator day one). I mean, Covid was bad enough, but had a very, very low fatality rate.

Something like H5N1 would be a total fustercluck of conspiracy theories, narcissism, bad advice, nonsense and carnage under this utterly incompetent dumbass and his grifting accomplices/hangers-on…Americans would pay the price by the millions under such bad “leadership”.

Thankfully, at least, adults are aiming to do something about it; I hope they don’t slow down in any way, and instead work on this very diligently in the even that donnie does get into office so that we are prepared for just such an event. Of course, the faux/maga/q brainiacs have spread so much antivaxxer nonsense that their actions would likely have a negative effect even when we do have a vaccine and even if donnie is not in office.

https://www.npr.org/2024/05/02/1248634097/federal-health-officials-aim-to-develop-a-vaccine-to-protect-people-from-bird-fl

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61 points

Slurring his words at a Waukesha, Wisconsin rally, Trump referred to Biden’s “fake infrastrucker, ershure para,”

Lol what the fuck?🤣

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39 points

Covfefe 2: Stroke Harder

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16 points

One way you know Trump was a lazy piece of shit during his first term is that it didn’t suck the absolute life out of him like it did for Obama, Bush, or Clinton.

He puts all his energy into campaigning and none of it into governing. Maybe this run up to November really will be what does him in.

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9 points

maybe all the court cases will help keep him rested with multiple mid day naps

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5 points

He was STILL doing rallies even after winning the erection, I don’t think that’s ever fappened before

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6 points

I don’t think my sphincters can handle another Infrastructure Week

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