23 points

Nothing good happens after midnight.

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15 points

That becomes true again once you turn 40

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6 points

If you have kids, you’ll get a second wind when they’re gone. Our adult son was staying with us for a while. We came in about 3:00 a.m. and scared the shit out of him because he thought we were upstairs asleep.

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8 points

Followed by “You were conceived at 12:01”

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1 point

All the best stuff happens after midnight!

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48 points

Everything’s gonna be ok.

Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

You’ll understand when you’re older.

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35 points
*

As a parent, sometimes it’s a hope, not a lie.

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38 points

Sitting in a hot tub as a kid will make you infertile.

Totally an old wive’s tale. I looked it up when I was an adult and found out I had been deprived of tons of hours of hot tub time.

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6 points
*

That was them actually believing it, right? Or were they in fact using a deliberate lie to limit your bath tub time for some other reason?

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4 points

Unclear, my grandma was a nurse. I thought she should have known better, but then again, maybe back in the day that was considered accurate advice medically.

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6 points

the hot tube temperature lowers the current batch of sperm’s motility and count, alter the DNA and general quality. your balls cannot extend far enough to escape the hot tub. its not permanent. if you want to conceive, stop boiling your nuts.

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7 points

Well you assumed my sex, but regardless, that claim is still disputed. Some research indicates that it does temporarily lower sperm counts.

None of that is particularly relevant though, because my family was claiming it would permanently cause me to become infertile.

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145 points

God exists and watches everything you do and loves you while threatening you with eternal damnation.

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67 points

And he’s terrible with money! He needs more money!

George Carlin, how we miss thee.

https://youtu.be/QZ8hefESt7c?si=I5xZByn7o1UWcsbv

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2 points

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

https://piped.video/QZ8hefESt7c?si=I5xZByn7o1UWcsbv

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.

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-72 points
*

You’re allowed to be atheist of course, but do you have any more proof that there are no gods than they have that gods exist?

EDIT: Y’all can have your opinion, no one’s questioning that. You’re allowed to believe there are no higher powers, but I’m not allowed my personal belief that there is?? Not one person has provided proof that there is no Higher Power. Grow up…

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60 points

I’m not against religion, but that’s not how evidence and proof works. Do you have any proof that tiny invisible pink elephants aren’t hiding in your fridge?

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-17 points
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that’s not how evidence and proof works.

Proof of a negative is common in science and mathematics.

No, you can’t prove that something never happens or that something doesn’t exist.

Edit: For those who are downvoting here are some sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burden_of_proof_(philosophy)#Proving_a_negative

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proof_of_impossibility

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41 points

That’s not really how it works though. If I tell you there’s an invisible dragon living under your bed who will burn your house down at some time in the future if you don’t give me $10. You can’t disprove it, but because I’m the one making the claim that the dragon exists the burden of proof is on me.

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-39 points

The burden of proof tennis is quite tricky here because it’s not about whether you claim something exists, it’s whether you claim something that goes against what’s generally accepted. If I claim quantum mechanics don’t exist, it’s not on you to prove they do.

And that’s before we get into the fact that there isn’t a general consensus on whether God (or any gods) exist.

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26 points

You should familiarize yourself with the concept called Burden of Proof. They (those who believe in God, and claim he exists and created all things, etc) are the ones where the burden lies. It is not for the rest of us to prove their beliefs for them, or you.

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-15 points
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Careful, many online atheists don’t understand that they have to prove a negative. That they have to prove the assertion: “There is no god.”

The default position is that there is yet insufficient evidence to draw a conclusion.

Edit: Thank you for the downvotes, you have provided me with further evidence that online atheists don’t understand that they have to prove a negative. Your butthurt fuels me.

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0 points
*

Are you implying that a negative categorically cannot be proven?

Edit: I have since disavowed this instance

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8 points

This guy eats babies

prove me wrong

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4 points
*

Let’s start with clarifying an element of the question:

Which characteristics define a god? Do these characteristics violate the laws of physics and/or internal logic? If these characteristics do not violate the laws of physics, then what aspects distinguish a god from a mundane or natural entity?

Edit: I have since disavowed this instance

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10 points

The default position is that we don’t know if a specified thing exists. To prove or disprove it, you need evidence. I can prove that the Christian God doesn’t exist, as it is logically impossible, but it’s possible that some other version of a god might exist, I don’t know. I don’t have evidence either way.

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4 points

How can you prove the Christian God doesn’t exist?

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2 points

Not one person has provided proof that there is no Higher Power. Grow up…

Because that’s not the atheist position. You’re wrestling with a claim nobody is making.

Atheism doesn’t claim there is no “Higher Power”, it’s just a disbelief in theistic claims.

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64 points

Basically everything my mother ever said. I repeat a lot of it back to her now, and she always asks, “where did you hear such absurdities?”

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Ohhhhhhh how good that must feel.

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12 points

“I never said that!”

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21 points

The axe forgets, the stump remembers

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13 points

“that’s not what I remember” “That’s not how I remember it” “You must be remembering it wrong” “I would never say that”

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