When basically all dating apps are owned by the same company (Match Group), you get enshittification of all of them.
Their goal is to get repeat customers, which is the polar opposite of what people actually want from these types of apps.
Found my wife on Hinge - it actually felt like an app to match with people you’d like. Having to actually comment on the profile instead of swipe left or right based on the feel really helped.
You are not wrong. There seems to be a similar level of responses too.
Dating apps got so much worse too. A couple of years ago i would always get a bunch of matches and maybe a third of them would actually be interested to talk. Now i get like a match a month or so and it’s mainly for attention. Yeah sorry i’m not gonna wait a few days to get a “yes” back.
Definitely. I’ve had more jobs through applications (2) than dates through apps (0) ^^ The best I’ve got was an extended conversation with a guy who seemed kind
You’re talking to guys AND not getting dates? I need to rethink my worldview
I’m an old so I remember dating apps before smartphones. People with physical keyboards wrote long messages, like emails and letters. You could really get to know someone’s personality. This worked well for me because my sense of humor is absurdist and you need to know my values to know that I’m joking when I say something off-beat.
That just doesn’t work over short text message-style comms. So I can’t be funny. I can’t make a joke about voting for a terrible policy if I have to explain that it’s a joke because that’s not funny. But if I’ve revealed to you a bunch of things that matter to me and then claim to want the opposite, you know I’m being sarcastic and it’s fine. Oh well. I’m lucky enough to be in a great relationship despite the dating apps sucking much worse now.
Then there are the articles about how dating apps have deliberately made themselves worse to keep people paying for subscriptions… I’ve seen at least one and I’ve heard people talk about this on a podcast, I think. I may be misremembering. I consume a lot of media about how much capitalism and humanity create worse and worse systems.
Good luck to anyone who’s searching. I got your back.
The problem is not that people are typing on phones… It’s that all of the apps are now driven by profit-maximizing algorithms instead of algorithms that try to find your best match. OkCupid used to be the best dating site hands down because of the match percentage from the questions, but now it’s just Different Tinder. You can still have great heartfelt conversations on mobile dating apps, it’s just harder now.
OkC is how I found my girlfriend because it let me know a lot of important info (demi/ace, no kids, looking for long term, match %) before I even tried matching with them. I got to be picky.
From what I hear, they got rid of every useful feature and turned it to shit.
While you’re right and my post addressed the same failure / bullshit, writing a long message as an opener would be seen as strange today. It’s not the typical format and would trigger a red-flag for a lot of people. I’m talking six paragraphs, which was how I used to open comms before smartphone apps.
That just makes it a more effective filter for what you’re looking for. Many people on the apps aren’t interested in a long text conversation and would rather get to know each other in person. If you prefer conversing online for a while, then count it as a win if someone ignores or unmatches you for sending them a long message.
OkC seems to think I’m an absolute Adonis by Indian Ocean trade corridor standards, got hit up by folks from Uganda to Iran to India to Cambodia to Indonesia.
Thing kept insisting on showing my profile in those regions apparently despite me pretty consistently searching exclusively in the Northeast of the US.
Idk, my step dad met my mom in the 90s by taking out a personal ad in the paper. It said, in full (minus A/S/L and contact info):
“Can’t dance, won’t cook, never had a job. Frog seeks princess.”
He was a resteraunt manager back then, idk if he can dance tho… probably not. So it can be done in a text-length message. It’s rare to find a good match that way though (and they weren’t!), because it’s very little to go on.
Dating apps are a fucking shit show.
I was on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge for the last 6 months.
I was genuinely trying to put my best foot forward, be kind, genuine and actually wanted to meet someone. I’m kinda sick of being single after breaking up from a long term relationship last year.
I tried every strategy and technique.
More info on my profile / Less info on my profile. More group pics/ more pics of just me. Being funnier / being more sincere.
I even paid for Tinder plus and Bumble plus.
Did I get a single date from any of these apps? Nope. But I did get ghosted. Unmatched. Ignored. Etc etc countless fucking times.
It absolutely fucked my mental health. My brain is in a good place now after a long time with trying different medications and therapy etc. I like the person I am. I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship. But fuck if my self esteem and mental state didn’t take a nosedive after being on these apps. Putting so much time and effort into presenting yourself as well as you can, putting best foot forward etc and getting zero interest back, it really makes you question who you are and even your value as person.
I fucking hate it.
So yeah, I’m still single. I don’t see that changing any time soon.
For context btw, I’m 189cm / 6’2" tall, 100KG / 220lbs, healthy, active guy in my twenties. I’m in a comp sci college course. I drive, have an income, savings, go to the gym 4 times a week etc In other words, I tick enough boxes/ do all the things, that are supposed to help find a match on these apps. But even with all that said, 6 months and zero dates. I don’t even know anymore. I deleted my accounts on these the other day and I advise others to do the same. The chances of you actually finding someone you like and have chemistry with is basically zero at this stage. Plus the enshitification is rife. They push the premium subscriptions so fucking hard but in the end, they don’t help you find matches or dates. It’s worth noting that Tinder wants to keep you on the app. You deleting it after finding love is bad for business as far as they are concerned. I just wish more people would realize this.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Did I get a single date from any of these apps? Nope. But I did get ghosted. Unmatched. Ignored. Etc etc countless fucking times.
Food digging: When restaurants use fake dating profiles to get customers through the door
The idea is to organise a “date” with a victim who then gets stood up but inevitably ends up buying something at the restaurant anyway.
I agree. My mental health takes huge nose dives when I use dating apps. I’ve had great experience IRL and even use friends and their partners sometimes to curate messages so that I know I’m not fucking up. My longest streak was 16 dates consecutively of being stood up. Each was a different woman, no repeat dates or responses after being stood up. Man does it blow. The rejection just happens so frequently and in rapid succession that I can’t stand it.
I also tick a lot of boxes that people present on those apps but for whatever reason my luck is pretty piss. Usually if I actually manage a date we end up at least seeing each other for some time but getting to that point seems nigh impossible through the apps
At least with job applications they tell you they want someone with 5 years Java experience. In dating no one tell you what they want.
they tell you they want someone with 5 years Java experience.
Or 6 years of experience with that framework that’s 3 years old which is par for the course for dating apps; unrealistic standards.
