398

Y'all want a shitpost?(lemmy.world)

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𝕾𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖞 𝕿𝖚𝖓𝖆@lemmy.world
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lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
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  • WIFE: LEFT
  • HOG: CRANKED
  • PANTS: SHIDDED
  • WIPE: NEVER
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Alteon@lemmy.world
36 points
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Real men don’t wipe. Real men leave that brown shit of superiority staining their ass and underwear. It’s a display of dominance. Show that washing machine whose boss. Let your wife and girlfriend see the proud steak of freedom, a signature of your manliness written upon the very fabric of the garments you wear closest to your body.

Watch men of weaker constitution and lower stature run away from you, and give you the space and respectful deference that you deserve. You are a king, and kings don’t worry about such literal shit.

Let it eventually mark your truck seat as warning to weaker men what sort of beast occupies that vehicle and you will never again have to worry about criminal scum trying to take your vehicle for fear of your retribution, for they bore witness to the throne upon which a real man resides.

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MissJinx@lemmy.world
13 points

I’m so wet

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iamericandre@lemmy.world
5 points

My wife calls me Dale Earnhardt Jr because my underwear is so full of streaks

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Aggravationstation@feddit.uk
3 points
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There are genuinely men on the internet who think wiping yourself after shitting is gay, because men shouldn’t do anything with a man’s arsehole, even their own.

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Ignotum@lemmy.world
8 points
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Reminds me of a guy that didn’t know the name of colors because he “wasn’t gay”

I guess he was so aggressively straight that he developed monochromatism

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Aggravationstation@feddit.uk
5 points

“Aggressively straight” reminds me of a quote from one of my favourite TV shows Bottom.

When someone gets accused of being gay their response is “That’s impossible. As a Christian, I’m so tightly clenched…”

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MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works
1 point

If you aren’t wiping at least 2 inches deep, it isn’t clean!

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Vej@lemm.ee
25 points

THE_PACK IS BLEEDING INTO REAL LIFE.

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MrVilliam@lemmy.world
19 points

ARRROOOOOOOOO, MFERS!

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crackrocksloppy@lemmy.world
6 points

AROOOOOO! THOUGHT I HEARD SOME HOGS GETTIN CRANKED!

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PenisWenisGenius@lemmynsfw.com
3 points
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I’m going to shit in life’s pants then blame the dog

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