Which side of the bed is the left side? Is the answer based on the perspective of laying in the bed (person’s head at the head end)? Is the answer based on viewing it from the foot of the bed, looking at the head of the bed? Is there an “anatomical position” or special terminology like in boating for this?

For context: My boyfriend and I can’t agree on this. We change who gets which side based on the shoulder we’d predominantly sleep on and how it’s feeling. This let’s us get good cuddles before shoulder pain gets irritated. He comes to bed after me. A while back he asked what side I’m sleeping on. I said “left”. Later that night, he comes in and almost lays directly on me because he claims “left” is the other side. Since then we have to describe which side using complicated descriptions.

55 points

My wife sleeps in the middle, like a snow angel, so I always sleep on what’s left.

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18 points

Or what’s right.

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14 points

What’s left ain’t right.

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6 points

The story of my life.

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5 points

Correct.

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9 points

Oh, you are a witty one. Good answer.

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43 points

Right, left if you’re looking at the bed from the foot.

Stage right, stage left if you’re looking out from the bed toward the foot.

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18 points

He did theater stuff in HS, so we may adapt this if neither of us concede. Good work around.

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11 points

Theater stuff in high school… Is that like making out backstage after rehearsal?

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8 points

Probably along the same lines as band camp. I’m sure there’s a few “This one time…” stories.

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1 point

the former is known as “audience left/right”

but allow me to use a more dated theatrical terminology:

prompt side and bastard prompt.

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36 points

I’d say it’d be from the perspective of laying in it, since no one cares what side of the bed is which unless they’re going to lay in it

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11 points

Ah, but as you say, people only care when they’re “going to” lay in it, meaning they’re not in the bed yet. Once you’re in bed, you pretty much never need to specify the left or right side, you can say “shit, i spilled a drink on your side!”

So, since we only care about left and right sides while we’re not in bed, I say who cares about the in-bed perspective. What matters is how it is oriented while you’re standing up and looking at it. So that’s how I’d assign left and right side.

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5 points

To that, I’d say it’s likely better if we use landmarks. Identify unique furniture or a window or something on each side. Then, refer to them as “Window side” or “Lamp side”.

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4 points

I agree, only sensible way to do it

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1 point

This is my stance on it. I thought this so such a common sense perspective that my brain stalled when he disagreed with it.

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-1 points

This!

End thread.

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32 points

Forget left-right. Use port and starboard.

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10 points

This is the correct answer. It’s how ships avoid running into each other. When whoever is steering the vessel is facing the bow (front, usually the pointy bit), port is their left, starboard their right. Ship’s running lights are red on the port side, green on the left. So if you’re out on the water at night, you can immediately see whether a ship is coming towards you or moving away. The rule for passing an oncoming vessel is “port to port”, thus avoiding confusion and collision.

Sitting up in bed I would consider the headboard the stern, because I have my back to it, and the foot the bow. So the area to starboard is right, and portside is left. Ahoy maties!!!

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9 points

Well, so which is the front and which is the back?

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16 points

The front is where the spoiler isn’t.

Race car beds FTW.

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3 points

I actually love this. Imagine all cars are race car beds and then use driver and passenger side lol.

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Beds have a head and a foot, so the head is fore and the foot aft.

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6 points

Ah. But in a bed race, it’s foot-first, implying a direction of travel that itself dictates head==aft and foot==fore. Totally different from how ironman flies, fwiw.

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5 points

You mean “prow” and “stern”.

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1 point

port and starboard are based on the orientation of the ship, not the outside observer

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2 points

Yes, but without knowing which is fore and which is aft you cannot make that judgement.

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4 points

Driver’s side and passengers side?

Stage left and stage right? (Depends on where your curtains are).

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3 points

People drive in different sides in different parts of the world.

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6 points

Fuck it, topside, underside.

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3 points

The majority of people occupying the same bed will have congruent driver/passenger sides. Distant strangers don’t need to know which side you are referring to. Couples from different regions could adopt the local convention.

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1 point

I assume OP and their partner drive on the same side of the road as each other though lol

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25 points

We use “my side” and “your side” so it’s always correct from any perspective.

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2 points

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