I’m sure lots of ADHDers know what I mean. Situations where you’re not meaning ill intent, but the way that a situation turns out makes it seem like you’re the bad guy/girl.
How do you handle the situation without seeming like a victim or that you’re making excuses for yourself? Do you explain the situation or just accept it and hope that enough time will reveal your true character?
As a person without ADHD, I handle my reaction to it by apologizing for misunderstanding, and then moving on. Even if the misunderstanding doesn’t seem to be my “fault”, taking the blame is a small price to pay in order to keep things relaxed.
I know it’s got to be incredibly embarrassing and frustrating, but I also know that I can’t really understand what it’s like to have ADHD. I just try to make it clear that I’m not upset (while at the same time not dwelling on it) and I try to make the other person as comfortable as possible. These things happen.
Mostly I am taken for an idiot because people can’t detect that a remark is humorous unless you’re being extremely obvious about it, and I have a very deadpan delivery, and generally dry and low key humor.
It’s very frustrating trying to socialize with people I don’t know good enough yet for them to know this, everyone just takes me at face value and then thinks I’m stupid.
I did have plenty of the awkward situations you’re describing myself when I was younger though. It’s such a revelation once you get your diagnosis and realize that, in fact, you are perceiving the world differently than neurotypical people.
@GregorGizeh @PlanetOfOrd You’re not alone. One of my trademark humor formulas is to take the current topic and make a ridiculous statement. If people don’t know me well enough they either think I’m lying for no reason, or are surprised that what I said is a true thing, and then I have to " no not really, I was just trying to make a joke"
I am struggling deeply with this now. I have found that trying to justify or explain what happens normally just falls on deaf ears and seems like I’m making excuses. I seem to continue to have this happen and it’s sort of started to become my true colors. I would suggest being accountable. Even if you mean well, and are not at fault or whatever it’s good to own the issue and work to move past it. Making excuses or explaining often just looks like you are trying to buck the blame.
Idk if I’m the best person to advise on this but that is my mentality moving forward!
@emperorgormet @PlanetOfOrd I agree I find it helps people if you talk about how things are for you when you are not bringing them a problem.
Kon: We primarily handle it by not giving a single flying fuck. We go about doing as we do with all the subtlety of a jackhammer, and if someone has a problem with that, they can say it to our face.
It depends. When it comes to friends and family, it’ll sort itself out. People who will make a fool of you for it will generally not be worth keeping around and even if you try to save them, the relationships will likely rust until they die anyway. I find it mentally too exhausting to keep interacting with people with whom the experience is a pain 90% of the time for some fun for 10% of the time. Of course, when it comes to people in power, you can’t really cut them out of your life. In that case, it’s worth working to make them understand. That being said, you probably know already you shouldn’t degenerate to writing everything off as your mental illness and avoiding working on yourself. Which is hard to do, I don’t know how to do it either.
