naom3 [she/her]

I miss talking to people but I’m finding it kind of stresses me out, on top of being a problem for my focus/time management skills. I’m such a fucking mess person, I’m less high strung and weird but the edges of my sense of self, the firmness of my self image, start to soften and go wobbly without other people. Socialising, talking, “You” is also the reflection of yourself in other people, what they see of you. I am without reflections to ponder and my brain is very very weird at this minute.

I get this. I’ve struggled with social anxiety my entire life and talking to people and being around them is difficult and draining but I start to get depressed if I go too long without talking to anyone

I put off transitioning for 10+ years. Some of that was things beyond my control, some of it was me being too scared/depressed to do anything, and some of it was thinking that things were in the way when they really weren’t. I don’t know how much can be attributed to each of those or what the difference is, but I spent every one of those years where I wasn’t too dissociated to care blaming myself for not transitioning sooner and I still do it sometimes. I don’t really have an answer on how to deal with those feelings except to say that at a certain point you have to just pick up the pieces and keep moving. I’ll never get those years back, or the childhood I could have had if things were different, but I’m here now and I get to become myself at last