I just shake the water off like a dog.

Hmm… This dude is so nasty he probably sucks his own shit through a straw every day in order to maintain the high degree of excrement that he regularly and publicly vomits from his mouth. What could make this guy so ashamed that he’s going to drop out of the race? What would upset his base that much that it would amount to a serious betrayal of their ideals?

Donating to a liberal cause?

Housing poor people/illegal immigrants?

He went to some socialist country for healthcare?

He’s secretly trans and got an abortion before transitioning?

I’ve used this term before in a different context: It’s what happens when someone is about to do something that both scares and excites them at the same time. Like when a person suddenly finds themselves extremely attracted to someone and they want to make a good impression. That’s when their brain seems to be both there and not there at the same time.

When observing someone in this sort of situation you quickly come to the conclusion that the brain has gone but then later–upon reflection–it may seem like it may have actually been present. The only way to know for sure is to find out how the events eventually concluded; opening the box as it were.

That’s when you find out whether or not the person was a pussy.

Use a robot to secretly paint “Kamala” on his lawn. For bonus points use AI to generate an image of him kissing Kamala and use that as the image (wonder what kind of resolution one can get on a lawn? 🤔)

Two of our (gay couple) neighbors said something similar to me a while back: They’re too afraid to put up a sign or flag.

My house doesn’t have any LGBTQ people living in it but we have a HUGE fucking LGBTQ flag right across from the American flag. It’s been such a blessing too! Now the most annoying of my neighbors don’t try to smalltalk with me anymore about their absolutely batshit insane conspiracy theories 👍

Just your average dead whale beheading to bring home the trophy. Nothing special!

Conservatives: This is how the zombie apocalypse starts… With one person refusing to let medical professionals know about their problem.

I’d use a very real scenario of immigrants and “merely visiting” foreigners who get sick spreading any given disease (e.g. How do you think we ended up with Zika in Florida?) but I know conservatives aren’t interested in reality. Even JD Vance knows that in order to get conservatives attention you need to promote fiction.

The correct response is for thousands of people to respond on Xitter with, “And no one is even trying to assassinate Musk 🤔”

Mechanical Keyboard Community:

“I need to see these $233 switches!” (Drools)

Check for sap-sucking bugs. Not all of them hang out in easy-to-see places all day. They could be down by the soil or under perfectly healthy looking leaves.

Even if you don’t see them it won’t hurt to spray some insecticidal soap here and there on to the plant. Sometimes it takes care of bugs you can’t see.