Does anybody have a real answer?
Yeah. In my case it’s a mix of my ADHD/probable autism competing with each other.
The ADHD makes me crave novel social interactions that have a lot of emotion and joy.
My autism makes this seem exhausting. Half the time it causes me to cancel before I can even achieve my ADHD plans. And it leaves me feeling way WORSE than if I have never agreed to do the thing because now I’m flaky to people that actually are okay spending time with me that.
So now I made plans. Got excited. Ruined them. And potentially damaged a friendship.
It be hard out here when your brains doing it’s own shit.
Does anybody have a real answer?
the answer is: probably not. this might be very personal and then the only one who “could” have a real answer, is the one asking for one.
but ideas do exist
what if you want social interaction but what “they” call social interaction actually is not what you want?
maybe you don’t want group interaction but instead a single friend to go out and maybe do stupid harmless stuff or watch sth instead?
groups always are different, also people behave different when in groups.
maybe one just choosed the wrong ones to interact with. society has lots of subgroups, some even toxic by their own wish. maybe better choose more wisely.
maybe learn to cope with your personality not beeing ready yet to be part of a group by adding yourself to it slowly?
maybe these are answers, but if they are real ones, who knows?
There’s a social spectrum. There are varying levels of asocial- one being demisocial. Demisocial people want interaction, but normally with a close few people that they have a strong bond with. Put someone who is on the asocial side in a large group and they’ll get overstimulated and overwhelmed. It takes time to figure out your social tolerance and what pushes you over the edge. Some people will encourage asocial people to desensitize themselves by forcing themselves into social situations, but that can be extremely unhealthy for them and lead to burnout. There’s nothing wrong with anyone who doesn’t like huge social settings… Some people just don’t like accommodating others so they make it a you problem. Finding your people can be hard and lonely, but it’s far more fulfilling when you do.
Here’s another answer!
a) we want to be social
It’s in our nature to want to be around other people. It helps us feel safe, create a sense of belonging, is amusing, and provides us with rich experiences that are hard or not possible to achieve on our own. Lots of simple reasons why people want to hang out.
b) but we have an ego
But everyone is walking about with a very intimate/personal concept of self that instructs them how to behave, how to feel, how to respond. Our feelings and thoughts in each moment are shaped by our sense of identity. Our identity isn’t actually a fixed, immutable thing. It is constantly shifting, working to conform or be different or just prevent itself from collapsing entirely. The self responds to the environment the same way out bodies do.
c) being social
So we’re home alone and wanting some company because we’re feeling lonely, but then we arrange ourselves to spend time with others and suddenly our self is on high alert because it’s being observed by others. Am I being genuine? Do people like me? Am I talking enough, or too much? Do I look ok? Did I wear the right clothes? Can I share this opinion? What should I say about that? Every conscious thought and unconscious pattern is at play, pulling and poking your sense of self and it can be disorientating and scary.
