So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.
I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I’m over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.
The thing is, she seems really mature but I can’t put aside the age gap.
Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn’t healthy for me or her?
Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?
Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)
Thank you everyone!
A good rule of thumb is half your age plus 7.
Indeed. I remember when that was the basic rule.
Also, women mature earlier than men, so at equal maturity it’s quite typical for a woman to be 2 years younger than the man. At marriage in the USA, two years is actually the average age gap:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_age_at_first_marriage
Also, you might initially meet at 19/25. Next year you will be 20/26, then 21/28, etc. The age gap will become relatively smaller over time.
This is a stupid rule.
The good rule is to judge people as individuals and respect their autonomy.
I’m talking about general perception. Respecting people as individuals doesn’t protect you from being seen as a creep, plus you’re arguing for looser restrictions. I encourage you to try the math on that.
I’m perfectly happy with our societies coming to consensus on a general age where one is considered capable of making their own decisions, in this scenario particularly sexually and romantically. I think the age range between 16 and 18 that we have decided on in various western societies sounds reasonable. Our laws respect our autonomy from that point on, yet somehow society is starting to not do that and I don’t think that’s a good thing, or really very genuine either.
As far as perception, I have a philosophy of not giving a single fuck about perception. People that judge me aren’t going to live my life for me, they’re not going to come into my life and make me happy, so fuck their opinions. If I’m 40 and find love and happiness with an 18 year old and they don’t like it they can kiss my ass.
It’s a rule of thumb, not a rule of law. It’s generally accurate in broad strokes, but not guaranteed at a fine level. Generally, it leads to an imbalance of experiences, but some people have more experiences than their age would suggest or are just fine being seen as a trophy spouse, or any number of reasons it doesn’t fit.
