First, I am a late diagnosis, so if some of my terminology is offensive please tell me, assimilation is hard.
On the the point, I have been noticing a pattern, I am in a number of allistic or mixed groups, online or in meetup type spaces. I am trying to expand my social circle, and I have nearly always been alone.
Is it typical amongst nurotypical people to respond to a question with need for information questions and then, when they realize that (and I don’t know which) they’re not interested or they can’t help they just move on, not explain that they can’t help or aren’t interested?
I appreciate this, I tend to forget my America centric world view, and I can see this as a more cultural thing maybe?..it feels very disrespectful, I feel like once there is engagement there needs to be some closure to the conversation. In fact I often find myself in an anxious state waiting for a response, and I do my best not to be hypocritical I try not to cause that same anxiety.
Anyway thank you for the response, and perspective.
Yes, I do believe it’s more of a cultural thing… westerners seem to be more cold when it comes to emotions, which is why people that are more emotional see a problem in this, whereas, if they lived in another cultural sourrounding, they might feel right at home.
Yes, I do agree on the closure part. I like to have one as well, but not all people are like that. I can tell just by the way a conversation is going where a person lives, lol 😂… or at least have a general idea.
Don’t beat yourself up over not having closure. Different people, different characters, different perceptions. If they don’t offer one, hey, they’re probably not the right person for you to be having a conversation with in the first place. I’ve had the same thing happen to me hundreds of times, so I just got used to it now and brush it off. Real friends and people you’re close to don’t do that… well, at least in my experience. Stick to the ones that don’t do that, push the others aside. They’re not enemies, but probably not as close to you as you might have though.
I hope this isn’t bothersome, but I want to understand, I am hearing, find comfort in conversation. I have trouble with conversational skill (there’s a surprise lol), so I have come to understand there will never be a conversation I come away from feeling “right”, but if I understand you correctly, it would be a good idea to stick with people, given the choice, that have conversation characteristics that keep us both comfortable.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your input. I know over time I have lost a lot of my people skill, not that I want the mask back I just want some form of socialization.
… but if I understand you correctly, it would be a good idea to stick with people, given the choice, that have conversation characteristics that keep us both comfortable.
Exactly 👍.
You don’t make friends with people you don’t like, right 😉. The same goes for conversations. You make small chit chat with people you know will lead the conversation in a direction you might not like. And only if you really need to talk to them, like need some sort of an info that they might have or they write you up with a hey, how you doing. Keep it civil, but short. If it starts to progress in a manner you might not like, be honest, tell them you don’t want to talk about this or that because you might get frustrated from the outcome of the converstaion. I’m sure they’ll apreciate that and know your boundaries, which in turn will let them know exactly where you 2 stand, in the terms of friendship and all that.
I would sugest more open minded people as friends or partners. People that, let’s say, listen to alternative music or be more into art, tend to be more open minded. I’d start looking for friends in those circles. Even if you don’t listen to that particular music style or don’t like art, general conversation is something most people enjoy a lot. So, just dig in that direction and I’m sure you’ll find some people that are eccetric enough to find your conversations interesting and your stand points, no matter how weird they are to the rest of society, interesting and maybe even funny (in a positive way, of course 😂) ☺️.
